"They" say that in order to meet a big, long-term goal, you need to make a bunch of smaller, short-term goals...then divide those into even smaller, daily goals.
So, I've divided my goal of completing the half marathon up into little, daily goals...alternate yoga, Pilates, and biking, daily and shuffling 3 to 4 days per week. I printed a half-marathon training schedule to follow. When I was planning my training schedule, I went on the race's website...and realized that the race is on June 16th...not the 23rd. Shoot! One less week to work with!!
T minus 79 days......
Less than 12 weeks to adapt.....
Adapt.....
Scientific data shows that we humans are incredibly capable of adapting to just about anything we encounter...that if we are exposed to situations, or ask our bodies to do impossible things (Pilates anyone?) repeatedly, we have this amazing power to grow, adjust, and become stronger.
My body laughs this notion off as total.....and utter.....crap.
Nonetheless....
After surviving my first Pilates experience yesterday morning, I decided that I'd better put some more shuffling miles on these old stumps...since "They" say in order to run farther, and build endurance, you need to ....well.....run more.
So, I decided I was going to conquer another 5k. Again, I set goals for my shuffle....no walking, and to finish in under 37:20 ... my new baseline time to beat. I ate lunch and put on my sweat pants, two long-sleeved shirts, and my scuba shoes. It was another freezing day...I was not happy about going out in the snow...but I don't really have the time to wait for warm weather...
"You just got over your frost-bitten throat!! What are you thinking of doing!?"...enter negative internal dialogue, stage-right....
I pushed my thoughts aside and began stretching.
My mind continued to concoct its lies, trying desperately to fill me with doubt and fear...and ultimately stop me from putting my body through the torture of shuffling for 3 miles.
"I'm going to go to North Chagrin to run." I told my mom. It's flatter there, with some rolling and gradual hills...just like my unsuccessful run at our race on Sunday. I kissed Abby goodbye and left.
"What?!" my mind shouted. "You're going to the park?! Alone?!?! Have you gone completely insane?! There are coyotes there!! Serial killers!! What if you have a heart attack...no one will be there to help you!! You will be all alone...in the woods!!"
These are the kinds of thoughts that I live with every day...thoughts that are typically successful in filling me with paralyzing apprehension...thoughts that have gotten me to this sorry, physical shape that I am in now. They are loud, soul-filling, powerful thoughts...I'm sure there is a medication for this...
I arrived at the park and began a walking warm up. "This is good...perhaps I could just walk 3 miles" ...no...I have to shuffle...it's the only way to 13.1, I thought. I turned on my GPS and my music...then started shuffling.
I quickly found a comfortable pace and my breathing settled into its familiar rhythm...inhale 2 steps, exhale 3 steps (this is a new breathing rhythm I have found myself falling into...typically my rhythm is 2 steps in, 2 steps out...but this feels natural and is what I am doing when I am not concentrating on my breathing...so I will just go with it).
"Ok...this is good"...it's always good for the first quarter mile, or so...then the struggling starts.
"They" say that running is 90% mental, 10% physical...
My body says "They" are lucky...to be able to run on telepathy must be really fun...because if you ask me, shuffling is 100% physical...it hurts my entire body...(including my hair and nails...and they don't even have pain receptors...how is that possible?!) My mind...well, it's just fine, thank you very much...it sits up there, nestled comfortably in my skull, floating weightless in its bath of spinal fluid...shouting out orders and belittling comments.
"Why are you shuffling?" I think to myself..."You could walk faster than this! Remember your race on Sunday, when that 70 year-old walker not only passed you, but totally SMOKED you?!?!"
My body concurred...perhaps I could walk faster...and I can certainly walk 13.1 miles. Why did I need to try to run it??
Because...I WANT to run it...I want to be a runner!
After about the half mile point, I passed a man who was walking the trail. "He looks shifty" my mind blurted "That's a serial killer if I ever saw one". With that thought, I felt a little burst of adrenaline kick in and I shuffled along with confidence and (dare I say) strength. My fatigue melted away for a moment until I was about 100 yards away from him...then the wheels began to come off.
"You're killing yourself!.....It's cold!....My lungs hurt!.....I can't breathe!!" ..... I focused on my breathing. Two steps in, 3 steps out....yes....I was indeed breathing still...nice and rhythmic.
"My legs!! They can't take another step!! My feet!! They are breaking!! You're going so slow!! You can walk faster...you know you can!! My knees...they can't take all this bouncing! Help!! Your uterus is starting to fall out!!" Hmmm....I'd better check on that one, I thought....and I actually think I felt my uterus slipping downward. I engaged my core and felt myself stand taller and stronger...and squeezed my uterus back into place.
"Plleeeassseee!!" my thoughts pleaded "This is not fun!! You will never get used to this!! No amount of shuffling will make you a runner!! Are you listening to me?!?! You are in pain!! You have snots running down your upper lip!!" I wiped my sleeve across my nose and continued on.
That's how I know I am a runner...I wipe my snot with my sleeve without missing a step...
Somewhere around mile 2, my mind quieted down and my legs became numb. I always look forward to this state of well-being that I know comes eventually. I trekked along at a slow, but steady, pace and enjoyed the scenery of the park...the snow that covered the branches had been all the buzz on Facebook that morning. It was quiet and peaceful...and for a minute or two, I was actually happy to be surrounded by it.
As I neared 2.5 miles, I began to be aware of myself again...the numbness in my feet, my tired legs plodding forward with forced effort...but my mind was kind. I could imagine reaching 3.1 miles...the feeling of stopping....the excitement of looking at my GPS to see that I finished in 35 minutes....the satisfaction of shuffling the whole time! I imagined that I was fast...like "neon running-shoes" fast...like that guy who won the 5k on Sunday fast....I could hear the noises of the finish line...cheering on-lookers...cowbells...and imagined myself floating effortlessly past the clock...finishing my half marathon in record time.
Then I saw it...my finish line...I was filled with a renewed energy and I began to shuffle faster...stronger. In fact, I do believe I may have even graduated to a faster pace...I may have been shogging for a bit!! I was excited! Thank you, God!! I prayed...thank you for the strength to meet my goals today! What a beautiful day!!
In fact, it actually felt sunny and warm at that point...
At my finish line I stopped and smiled...patted myself on the back...and pulled out my phone to stop the GPS. My heart sank to my feet when I looked at my phone...2.7 miles, 34 minutes.
"YOU'RE NOT DONE!!" my mind screamed...."Keep going!!!"
Oh, please no!! my body protested. You promised this was the finish line!!
For a quick moment, I had a mental temper tantrum (if I had any energy to spare, I would have stood there and stomped around in the street and screamed like a 2 year old), then turned around and forced myself to shuffle back to the parking lot, roughly .4 miles away. I tried to do the math in my head...could I shuffle .4 miles in 3 minutes?? I willed my legs to move along faster and quickened my breathing...inhale 2...exhale 2....I know I can do it! I told myself.
I gave it all I had...eventually I couldn't feel my legs anymore and my breathing felt effortless. I felt a sense of peace and calmness. I could hear a Cardinal singing beautifully somewhere nearby...it's all I could concentrate on at that very moment. Jesus? I thought...Is that you? Are you coming for me right now? Surely, this was a near-death experience...
Finally I came to my true finish line. Panting and sweating, I grabbed my phone and checked it eagerly...3.1 miles....38:38....(sigh).
I walked the parking lot to cool down, and feel sorry for myself. How was this possible? I shuffled the whole time! Why was I slower today than I was on Sunday? To say I was disappointed, was an understatement. I was never going to run my half marathon...
As I uploaded the scientific data of my run from my phone, I looked over my stats from previous shuffling attempts since January. I happened to see one for 3 miles...49 minutes. What?! Had I really taken off 11 minutes from my 3 miler? Could it be that I actually improved? Surely, I had walked those 3 miles in January...but it was scientific proof that I cannot, in fact, walk faster than I shuffle. Suddenly, I felt proud of myself...and gained another ounce of confidence.
There's a slight chance that I'll succeed in running my half-marathon....
Perhaps...I am adapting after all!
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