"They" say that in order to meet a big, long-term goal, you need to make a bunch of smaller, short-term goals...then divide those into even smaller, daily goals.
So, I've divided my goal of completing the half marathon up into little, daily goals...alternate yoga, Pilates, and biking, daily and shuffling 3 to 4 days per week. I printed a half-marathon training schedule to follow. When I was planning my training schedule, I went on the race's website...and realized that the race is on June 16th...not the 23rd. Shoot! One less week to work with!!
T minus 79 days......
Less than 12 weeks to adapt.....
Adapt.....
Scientific data shows that we humans are incredibly capable of adapting to just about anything we encounter...that if we are exposed to situations, or ask our bodies to do impossible things (Pilates anyone?) repeatedly, we have this amazing power to grow, adjust, and become stronger.
My body laughs this notion off as total.....and utter.....crap.
Nonetheless....
After surviving my first Pilates experience yesterday morning, I decided that I'd better put some more shuffling miles on these old stumps...since "They" say in order to run farther, and build endurance, you need to ....well.....run more.
So, I decided I was going to conquer another 5k. Again, I set goals for my shuffle....no walking, and to finish in under 37:20 ... my new baseline time to beat. I ate lunch and put on my sweat pants, two long-sleeved shirts, and my scuba shoes. It was another freezing day...I was not happy about going out in the snow...but I don't really have the time to wait for warm weather...
"You just got over your frost-bitten throat!! What are you thinking of doing!?"...enter negative internal dialogue, stage-right....
I pushed my thoughts aside and began stretching.
My mind continued to concoct its lies, trying desperately to fill me with doubt and fear...and ultimately stop me from putting my body through the torture of shuffling for 3 miles.
"I'm going to go to North Chagrin to run." I told my mom. It's flatter there, with some rolling and gradual hills...just like my unsuccessful run at our race on Sunday. I kissed Abby goodbye and left.
"What?!" my mind shouted. "You're going to the park?! Alone?!?! Have you gone completely insane?! There are coyotes there!! Serial killers!! What if you have a heart attack...no one will be there to help you!! You will be all alone...in the woods!!"
These are the kinds of thoughts that I live with every day...thoughts that are typically successful in filling me with paralyzing apprehension...thoughts that have gotten me to this sorry, physical shape that I am in now. They are loud, soul-filling, powerful thoughts...I'm sure there is a medication for this...
I arrived at the park and began a walking warm up. "This is good...perhaps I could just walk 3 miles" ...no...I have to shuffle...it's the only way to 13.1, I thought. I turned on my GPS and my music...then started shuffling.
I quickly found a comfortable pace and my breathing settled into its familiar rhythm...inhale 2 steps, exhale 3 steps (this is a new breathing rhythm I have found myself falling into...typically my rhythm is 2 steps in, 2 steps out...but this feels natural and is what I am doing when I am not concentrating on my breathing...so I will just go with it).
"Ok...this is good"...it's always good for the first quarter mile, or so...then the struggling starts.
"They" say that running is 90% mental, 10% physical...
My body says "They" are lucky...to be able to run on telepathy must be really fun...because if you ask me, shuffling is 100% physical...it hurts my entire body...(including my hair and nails...and they don't even have pain receptors...how is that possible?!) My mind...well, it's just fine, thank you very much...it sits up there, nestled comfortably in my skull, floating weightless in its bath of spinal fluid...shouting out orders and belittling comments.
"Why are you shuffling?" I think to myself..."You could walk faster than this! Remember your race on Sunday, when that 70 year-old walker not only passed you, but totally SMOKED you?!?!"
My body concurred...perhaps I could walk faster...and I can certainly walk 13.1 miles. Why did I need to try to run it??
Because...I WANT to run it...I want to be a runner!
After about the half mile point, I passed a man who was walking the trail. "He looks shifty" my mind blurted "That's a serial killer if I ever saw one". With that thought, I felt a little burst of adrenaline kick in and I shuffled along with confidence and (dare I say) strength. My fatigue melted away for a moment until I was about 100 yards away from him...then the wheels began to come off.
"You're killing yourself!.....It's cold!....My lungs hurt!.....I can't breathe!!" ..... I focused on my breathing. Two steps in, 3 steps out....yes....I was indeed breathing still...nice and rhythmic.
"My legs!! They can't take another step!! My feet!! They are breaking!! You're going so slow!! You can walk faster...you know you can!! My knees...they can't take all this bouncing! Help!! Your uterus is starting to fall out!!" Hmmm....I'd better check on that one, I thought....and I actually think I felt my uterus slipping downward. I engaged my core and felt myself stand taller and stronger...and squeezed my uterus back into place.
"Plleeeassseee!!" my thoughts pleaded "This is not fun!! You will never get used to this!! No amount of shuffling will make you a runner!! Are you listening to me?!?! You are in pain!! You have snots running down your upper lip!!" I wiped my sleeve across my nose and continued on.
That's how I know I am a runner...I wipe my snot with my sleeve without missing a step...
Somewhere around mile 2, my mind quieted down and my legs became numb. I always look forward to this state of well-being that I know comes eventually. I trekked along at a slow, but steady, pace and enjoyed the scenery of the park...the snow that covered the branches had been all the buzz on Facebook that morning. It was quiet and peaceful...and for a minute or two, I was actually happy to be surrounded by it.
As I neared 2.5 miles, I began to be aware of myself again...the numbness in my feet, my tired legs plodding forward with forced effort...but my mind was kind. I could imagine reaching 3.1 miles...the feeling of stopping....the excitement of looking at my GPS to see that I finished in 35 minutes....the satisfaction of shuffling the whole time! I imagined that I was fast...like "neon running-shoes" fast...like that guy who won the 5k on Sunday fast....I could hear the noises of the finish line...cheering on-lookers...cowbells...and imagined myself floating effortlessly past the clock...finishing my half marathon in record time.
Then I saw it...my finish line...I was filled with a renewed energy and I began to shuffle faster...stronger. In fact, I do believe I may have even graduated to a faster pace...I may have been shogging for a bit!! I was excited! Thank you, God!! I prayed...thank you for the strength to meet my goals today! What a beautiful day!!
In fact, it actually felt sunny and warm at that point...
At my finish line I stopped and smiled...patted myself on the back...and pulled out my phone to stop the GPS. My heart sank to my feet when I looked at my phone...2.7 miles, 34 minutes.
"YOU'RE NOT DONE!!" my mind screamed...."Keep going!!!"
Oh, please no!! my body protested. You promised this was the finish line!!
For a quick moment, I had a mental temper tantrum (if I had any energy to spare, I would have stood there and stomped around in the street and screamed like a 2 year old), then turned around and forced myself to shuffle back to the parking lot, roughly .4 miles away. I tried to do the math in my head...could I shuffle .4 miles in 3 minutes?? I willed my legs to move along faster and quickened my breathing...inhale 2...exhale 2....I know I can do it! I told myself.
I gave it all I had...eventually I couldn't feel my legs anymore and my breathing felt effortless. I felt a sense of peace and calmness. I could hear a Cardinal singing beautifully somewhere nearby...it's all I could concentrate on at that very moment. Jesus? I thought...Is that you? Are you coming for me right now? Surely, this was a near-death experience...
Finally I came to my true finish line. Panting and sweating, I grabbed my phone and checked it eagerly...3.1 miles....38:38....(sigh).
I walked the parking lot to cool down, and feel sorry for myself. How was this possible? I shuffled the whole time! Why was I slower today than I was on Sunday? To say I was disappointed, was an understatement. I was never going to run my half marathon...
As I uploaded the scientific data of my run from my phone, I looked over my stats from previous shuffling attempts since January. I happened to see one for 3 miles...49 minutes. What?! Had I really taken off 11 minutes from my 3 miler? Could it be that I actually improved? Surely, I had walked those 3 miles in January...but it was scientific proof that I cannot, in fact, walk faster than I shuffle. Suddenly, I felt proud of myself...and gained another ounce of confidence.
There's a slight chance that I'll succeed in running my half-marathon....
Perhaps...I am adapting after all!
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Pilates is for pansies!
"Could this be any easier?" I asked myself as I previewed my Pilates video before drifting off to sleep last night. "I won't even have to stand up! This will be CAKE!" After the morning's Yoga adventure, this would be a breeze! I happily (and dare I say...excitedly!) set my alarm for 6am. Sunrise...here I come!!
Once again, my sleep was restless... from the time Abby crawled into bed with us (about 2am) until my alarm went off. Abby knows she is not allowed to come into bed until Daddy leaves for work...yet she tries (and is sometimes successful...like she was in this instance) to weasel her way in while he is still home. So, barely out of the haze of my deep sleep, I opened up the covers to her before she even spoke. Surely Daddy was gone by now. She snuggled up behind me and fell quickly back to sleep. I opened one eye and saw Aaron sleeping next to me, then I checked the clock...2am...shoot! She got me again! The next four hours were restless...and all to familiar. Little bony elbows in my face...knees in my spine...heels pushing on my full bladder. "Abby, scoot over!" I ordered...to which she complied...only to return to my side, limbs outstretched and invading my precious sleeping space.
At least I wasn't swallowing...
At 6:01, I was awakened..."No!" my body protested..."I haven't slept well again!". I hit the snooze and told myself "Ok...6:10 you HAVE to get up!". I pushed Abby off of me onto Aaron's side of the bed (she now had his whole side of the bed to stretch out on) and dozed for 9 more minutes. When the alarm sounded again, I woke and turned it off. Her Royal Highness had her arm flung over my face and a knee pressed into my spine...I rolled out from under her and stood up...
Perhaps I could catch a couple more Z's on the Pilates mat! I thought to myself.
I went into the bathroom and checked my gut's profile in the mirror...as I do every morning. Hmm, I thought, I look skinnier...and stronger. I got on the scale...165. Shit.
My mind is a seasoned liar...
I was sore from yesterday...and had a bit of a headache. My mind continued it's usual dissent of doing anything out of the ordinary..."I don't have the scientific data to prove this, but I'm convinced you received brain damage yesterday from Yoga...
Somewhere in your Medulla Oblongata, I'm pretty sure....
An aneurysm perhaps...
"Please go back to bed", my thoughts turned to pleading..."waking up this early is bad for your health! It will kill you quicker than your fatness will! What's the point of getting healthy if the very method by which you are doing it will kill you anyway!"....hmmm...that WAS a good point...
No more excuses...I was up, and I was going to do Pilates...brain damage or not.
I can't say I have much experience with Pilates. My best friend's mom came over one day this past summer and showed me how to use my Pilates Reformer machine. She gave me quite a work out on it! I was sore, and tired...and have never used the machine again.
But this video...this HAD to be easier! So what if I had to balance my fat self on a small pink ball. That pink ball didn't intimidate me! No sir! I conquered Yoga yesterday! That pink ball...well, that's for pansies!!
I chose the 20 minute session...just because it was the one I watched last night. I can do ANYTHING for only 20 minutes! .... I was psyched!
How quickly I had forgotten that it only took Yoga 15 minutes to twist my intestines!
I began the warm up with ease...confident in my abilities.
Then....came....the.....ball....
The beautiful gazelle on the screen was twice my length and half my width. She and her ball worked beautifully together...long legs stretching...gliding...defined abs tightening and relaxing...all with a relaxed, content smile on her face.
My ball and I hated each other from the moment I placed it under my hips to begin my leg/lower body work out. In fact, I believe wholeheartedly that it laughed at me a few times...
The beauty on the screen instructed my to raise my legs to the sky and exhale while engaging my core.
My core...ah yes! I remember my friend's mom showing me how to do that! Yes...I can engage my core..
"Inhale, lower your toes and lightly brush the mat....exhale raise your legs high", she continued
I'm lowering...where's the mat? Oh man...this hurts....oh crap! I'm exhaling when I should be inhaling!....My toes..I'm still not touching the mat!!....
"Engage your core and let your powerhouse do all the work" she continued.
My powerhouse?.....What in the hell is my powerhouse? Do I HAVE a powerhouse? If I did, I'd sure like to find it so it could help me out a little.
My powerhouse....
Powerhouse....
Power...
House....
I did a quick mental scan of my body...from my head to my toes....nope....I am pretty positive that I do not possess this powerhouse of which she speaks...
The sweating began...
"Next, we are going to do the helicopter" she said in her soothing voice. "Raise your legs perpendicular...."
"Helicopter!?" I looked at the screen to see what I should be doing. Oh yeah...I remember this from last night...this looks fun!
I closed my eyes and pointed my toes high in the air. I balanced myself firmly on the ball and began doing the helicopter. In my mind, I could see the Gazelle twirling her long legs high above her in a smooth, rotating motion. I did the same. I imagined my legs....straight....strong...pointed.... swirling gracefully above me, like a Maple seed gently spinning while falling to the ground.
I opened my eyes to see this thing of beauty that I was creating...instead I saw reality...my chubby stumps bent...gnarled....gyrating clumsily about....
For a fleeting moment, they reminded me of a bucket of crab legs...but still alive and moving.....
The sweating continued and the nausea began.... jolting me back to reality....
Not again!! Am I REALLY that out of shape?! I wondered.
At that moment, the gazelle instructed me to sit up and do a few stretches..."Congratulations" she exclaimed "You have finished this part of the video".
"Oh thank God!"....I said out loud.
I'm pretty sure I heard the ball ask... "Who's the pansy now?"
Once again, my sleep was restless... from the time Abby crawled into bed with us (about 2am) until my alarm went off. Abby knows she is not allowed to come into bed until Daddy leaves for work...yet she tries (and is sometimes successful...like she was in this instance) to weasel her way in while he is still home. So, barely out of the haze of my deep sleep, I opened up the covers to her before she even spoke. Surely Daddy was gone by now. She snuggled up behind me and fell quickly back to sleep. I opened one eye and saw Aaron sleeping next to me, then I checked the clock...2am...shoot! She got me again! The next four hours were restless...and all to familiar. Little bony elbows in my face...knees in my spine...heels pushing on my full bladder. "Abby, scoot over!" I ordered...to which she complied...only to return to my side, limbs outstretched and invading my precious sleeping space.
At least I wasn't swallowing...
At 6:01, I was awakened..."No!" my body protested..."I haven't slept well again!". I hit the snooze and told myself "Ok...6:10 you HAVE to get up!". I pushed Abby off of me onto Aaron's side of the bed (she now had his whole side of the bed to stretch out on) and dozed for 9 more minutes. When the alarm sounded again, I woke and turned it off. Her Royal Highness had her arm flung over my face and a knee pressed into my spine...I rolled out from under her and stood up...
Perhaps I could catch a couple more Z's on the Pilates mat! I thought to myself.
I went into the bathroom and checked my gut's profile in the mirror...as I do every morning. Hmm, I thought, I look skinnier...and stronger. I got on the scale...165. Shit.
My mind is a seasoned liar...
I was sore from yesterday...and had a bit of a headache. My mind continued it's usual dissent of doing anything out of the ordinary..."I don't have the scientific data to prove this, but I'm convinced you received brain damage yesterday from Yoga...
Somewhere in your Medulla Oblongata, I'm pretty sure....
An aneurysm perhaps...
"Please go back to bed", my thoughts turned to pleading..."waking up this early is bad for your health! It will kill you quicker than your fatness will! What's the point of getting healthy if the very method by which you are doing it will kill you anyway!"....hmmm...that WAS a good point...
No more excuses...I was up, and I was going to do Pilates...brain damage or not.
I can't say I have much experience with Pilates. My best friend's mom came over one day this past summer and showed me how to use my Pilates Reformer machine. She gave me quite a work out on it! I was sore, and tired...and have never used the machine again.
But this video...this HAD to be easier! So what if I had to balance my fat self on a small pink ball. That pink ball didn't intimidate me! No sir! I conquered Yoga yesterday! That pink ball...well, that's for pansies!!
I chose the 20 minute session...just because it was the one I watched last night. I can do ANYTHING for only 20 minutes! .... I was psyched!
How quickly I had forgotten that it only took Yoga 15 minutes to twist my intestines!
I began the warm up with ease...confident in my abilities.
Then....came....the.....ball....
The beautiful gazelle on the screen was twice my length and half my width. She and her ball worked beautifully together...long legs stretching...gliding...defined abs tightening and relaxing...all with a relaxed, content smile on her face.
My ball and I hated each other from the moment I placed it under my hips to begin my leg/lower body work out. In fact, I believe wholeheartedly that it laughed at me a few times...
The beauty on the screen instructed my to raise my legs to the sky and exhale while engaging my core.
My core...ah yes! I remember my friend's mom showing me how to do that! Yes...I can engage my core..
"Inhale, lower your toes and lightly brush the mat....exhale raise your legs high", she continued
I'm lowering...where's the mat? Oh man...this hurts....oh crap! I'm exhaling when I should be inhaling!....My toes..I'm still not touching the mat!!....
"Engage your core and let your powerhouse do all the work" she continued.
My powerhouse?.....What in the hell is my powerhouse? Do I HAVE a powerhouse? If I did, I'd sure like to find it so it could help me out a little.
My powerhouse....
Powerhouse....
Power...
House....
I did a quick mental scan of my body...from my head to my toes....nope....I am pretty positive that I do not possess this powerhouse of which she speaks...
The sweating began...
"Next, we are going to do the helicopter" she said in her soothing voice. "Raise your legs perpendicular...."
"Helicopter!?" I looked at the screen to see what I should be doing. Oh yeah...I remember this from last night...this looks fun!
I closed my eyes and pointed my toes high in the air. I balanced myself firmly on the ball and began doing the helicopter. In my mind, I could see the Gazelle twirling her long legs high above her in a smooth, rotating motion. I did the same. I imagined my legs....straight....strong...pointed.... swirling gracefully above me, like a Maple seed gently spinning while falling to the ground.
I opened my eyes to see this thing of beauty that I was creating...instead I saw reality...my chubby stumps bent...gnarled....gyrating clumsily about....
For a fleeting moment, they reminded me of a bucket of crab legs...but still alive and moving.....
The sweating continued and the nausea began.... jolting me back to reality....
Not again!! Am I REALLY that out of shape?! I wondered.
At that moment, the gazelle instructed me to sit up and do a few stretches..."Congratulations" she exclaimed "You have finished this part of the video".
"Oh thank God!"....I said out loud.
I'm pretty sure I heard the ball ask... "Who's the pansy now?"
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Yoga is not invigorating....it's nauseating
"They" say you need to have a plan in order to reach your goals...so I devised one.
If there was one lesson I learned from Sunday's 5k it is that my legs are weak...like "one step up from toddler legs" weak. My typical shuffling route includes hills...lots and lots of steep hills. As intimidating as these hills appear, I love this route because it gives me an excuse to walk...I mean really...who in the world can actually RUN these hills?! "No one", I tell myself "So walk them, if you want to live".
Since I can hike these hills, and have been for years, I was certain I could handle Sunday's flat-to-rolling course with ease. Today is Tuesday...and I am still sore. Guess I was wrong.
It is also painfully obvious that what "They" say is true...you MUST change up your work out. My legs are not used to having to use the same muscles for extended periods of time, like when running on a flat course. Mental note to self: give your legs more easy repetition. Ok....got it.....
So my plan is to include biking (either outside...if the weather ever gets nice or on the stationary bike), Yoga, and Pilates to help build muscle and stamina. Sounds good...too bad I actually have to rely on myself to DO those things to reap the benefits.
Like I do with most of my fabulous ideas, I moved forward with my plan with zeal and excitement. As of yesterday, I was going to be GORGEOUS by June...perhaps even "thong ready"! Yoga, Pilates, biking and running...what a delicious combination!! I went to Wal-Mart and purchased a yoga mat, yoga video and Pilates video.
I had taken a few yoga classes about 9 or 10 years ago with my best friend. My memories of Yoga were good ones...my friend and I laughed a lot, fell a lot, and made fun of each other while in (not so attractive) poses. I remember it being a little difficult, but mostly fun and rejuvenating...my memories failed to remind me that 9-10 years is a LIFETIME ago....2 children ago....30 pounds ago.
I watched the yoga video last night, to be certain I would be able to do it. No problem!! I set my alarm for 6am. I was going to bounce out of bed, greet the sunrise, and have 30 quiet moments to myself while I awaken my body with deep, cleansing breaths and slow, intentional stretches. What a wonderful way to start the day!!
Well...it didn't quite happen that way...
I had a very restless night...I couldn't stop swallowing.
Yes...swallowing.
Kind of like when you concentrate on your breathing, all of a sudden it seems difficult to breathe...well, I couldn't stop concentrating on my swallowing, and I had to keep doing it. I had a bit of a sore throat...(I am certain it is frost bite, and I need no scientific evidence to validate that.). I think I was just trying to swallow it away.
Needless to say, 6am came and went, and I slept instead.
The great thing about Yoga is it can be done anytime, not just at 6am. "No problem" I thought "I will just do it after I eat breakfast. It'll be something fun that Abby and I can do together!"
I laid out the mat (and a towel for her) and began the video. Deep breaths in, raise arms up...cleansing breath out, lower arms...easy-peesy!!
Now, I'm sure I could find the scientific data to support the claims I am about to make if I look hard enough...but I don't need to because my body already spoke these truths...Yoga causes hearing loss, delusions, seizures, and intestinal contortions. (Notice that there is NO "relaxation, invigoration, or rejuvenation" listed here).
As the video instructed me to put myself into the first "Downward Dog" pose, I found this position quickly and (surprisingly) comfortably. That is, until my blood started pooling in my skull. I'm certain I was about to go deaf when she finally instructed me to stand up slowly and "exhale all the tiredness from my body". As I entered into the next pose, Abby said "Mom, you look just like the lady on TV". I smiled...of course I did!! Remember...I took classes 10 years ago! "I do?" I asked...not really needing to hear the answer. "Yes...you have a pony tail like hers" she said. "Oh yeah, I do...but do I look like her? I mean, is my body doing the same thing hers is?" I asked. "Ummm...not really. Her head is looking up". So was mine, wasn't it?? "Well, mine is too" I argued. "No, mom...it's not". Damn! I thought, it's as up as it is going to get!
A full 15 minutes into the video, my body began its protest. I began to sweat. "Oh good" I said to myself "I'm actually getting a work out here!". Then the nausea set in...then the nausea REALLY set in. "Seriously? I'm going to puke doing YOGA?!" I thought to myself.
Luckily, the phone rang...Praise be to God!
After my phone conversation, I re positioned myself on the mat and found the next pose...that is when the seizures started. I mean, full blown, grand-mal seizing....in my arms. "Look Abby!" I said "Look at mommy shaking!! This is a hard pose isn't it?" I looked at Abby, who was holding the pose beautifully, not so much as a quiver from her. "Am I doing it?" she asked. Disgusted, I flung myself onto my (still very nauseous) stomach and lied there... a shaking, sweating blob..."Yes, honey...you ARE doing it!" ....show off.
The torturous video ended shortly thereafter. Abby rolled up the mats for me..."That was easy!" she said. "Yep...sure was!" I proclaimed...then went into the bathroom...and vomited.
In all my times I've run...sweated...crazy high heart rates...I have never vomited. But this yoga-thing...kicked me in the gut within 15 minutes. Really?! Did those classes 10 years ago mean nothing?!
"They" say things like this get easier with time and practice. I sure hope that's true.
I will be watching my Pilates video tonight to see if I can do it...
And I will set my alarm for 6am to awaken to greet the sunrise...
I will make an attempt to take one more step towards my goal...
tomorrow.
If there was one lesson I learned from Sunday's 5k it is that my legs are weak...like "one step up from toddler legs" weak. My typical shuffling route includes hills...lots and lots of steep hills. As intimidating as these hills appear, I love this route because it gives me an excuse to walk...I mean really...who in the world can actually RUN these hills?! "No one", I tell myself "So walk them, if you want to live".
Since I can hike these hills, and have been for years, I was certain I could handle Sunday's flat-to-rolling course with ease. Today is Tuesday...and I am still sore. Guess I was wrong.
It is also painfully obvious that what "They" say is true...you MUST change up your work out. My legs are not used to having to use the same muscles for extended periods of time, like when running on a flat course. Mental note to self: give your legs more easy repetition. Ok....got it.....
So my plan is to include biking (either outside...if the weather ever gets nice or on the stationary bike), Yoga, and Pilates to help build muscle and stamina. Sounds good...too bad I actually have to rely on myself to DO those things to reap the benefits.
Like I do with most of my fabulous ideas, I moved forward with my plan with zeal and excitement. As of yesterday, I was going to be GORGEOUS by June...perhaps even "thong ready"! Yoga, Pilates, biking and running...what a delicious combination!! I went to Wal-Mart and purchased a yoga mat, yoga video and Pilates video.
I had taken a few yoga classes about 9 or 10 years ago with my best friend. My memories of Yoga were good ones...my friend and I laughed a lot, fell a lot, and made fun of each other while in (not so attractive) poses. I remember it being a little difficult, but mostly fun and rejuvenating...my memories failed to remind me that 9-10 years is a LIFETIME ago....2 children ago....30 pounds ago.
I watched the yoga video last night, to be certain I would be able to do it. No problem!! I set my alarm for 6am. I was going to bounce out of bed, greet the sunrise, and have 30 quiet moments to myself while I awaken my body with deep, cleansing breaths and slow, intentional stretches. What a wonderful way to start the day!!
Well...it didn't quite happen that way...
I had a very restless night...I couldn't stop swallowing.
Yes...swallowing.
Kind of like when you concentrate on your breathing, all of a sudden it seems difficult to breathe...well, I couldn't stop concentrating on my swallowing, and I had to keep doing it. I had a bit of a sore throat...(I am certain it is frost bite, and I need no scientific evidence to validate that.). I think I was just trying to swallow it away.
Needless to say, 6am came and went, and I slept instead.
The great thing about Yoga is it can be done anytime, not just at 6am. "No problem" I thought "I will just do it after I eat breakfast. It'll be something fun that Abby and I can do together!"
I laid out the mat (and a towel for her) and began the video. Deep breaths in, raise arms up...cleansing breath out, lower arms...easy-peesy!!
Now, I'm sure I could find the scientific data to support the claims I am about to make if I look hard enough...but I don't need to because my body already spoke these truths...Yoga causes hearing loss, delusions, seizures, and intestinal contortions. (Notice that there is NO "relaxation, invigoration, or rejuvenation" listed here).
As the video instructed me to put myself into the first "Downward Dog" pose, I found this position quickly and (surprisingly) comfortably. That is, until my blood started pooling in my skull. I'm certain I was about to go deaf when she finally instructed me to stand up slowly and "exhale all the tiredness from my body". As I entered into the next pose, Abby said "Mom, you look just like the lady on TV". I smiled...of course I did!! Remember...I took classes 10 years ago! "I do?" I asked...not really needing to hear the answer. "Yes...you have a pony tail like hers" she said. "Oh yeah, I do...but do I look like her? I mean, is my body doing the same thing hers is?" I asked. "Ummm...not really. Her head is looking up". So was mine, wasn't it?? "Well, mine is too" I argued. "No, mom...it's not". Damn! I thought, it's as up as it is going to get!
A full 15 minutes into the video, my body began its protest. I began to sweat. "Oh good" I said to myself "I'm actually getting a work out here!". Then the nausea set in...then the nausea REALLY set in. "Seriously? I'm going to puke doing YOGA?!" I thought to myself.
Luckily, the phone rang...Praise be to God!
After my phone conversation, I re positioned myself on the mat and found the next pose...that is when the seizures started. I mean, full blown, grand-mal seizing....in my arms. "Look Abby!" I said "Look at mommy shaking!! This is a hard pose isn't it?" I looked at Abby, who was holding the pose beautifully, not so much as a quiver from her. "Am I doing it?" she asked. Disgusted, I flung myself onto my (still very nauseous) stomach and lied there... a shaking, sweating blob..."Yes, honey...you ARE doing it!" ....show off.
The torturous video ended shortly thereafter. Abby rolled up the mats for me..."That was easy!" she said. "Yep...sure was!" I proclaimed...then went into the bathroom...and vomited.
In all my times I've run...sweated...crazy high heart rates...I have never vomited. But this yoga-thing...kicked me in the gut within 15 minutes. Really?! Did those classes 10 years ago mean nothing?!
"They" say things like this get easier with time and practice. I sure hope that's true.
I will be watching my Pilates video tonight to see if I can do it...
And I will set my alarm for 6am to awaken to greet the sunrise...
I will make an attempt to take one more step towards my goal...
tomorrow.
First shuffle of the season
On Sunday, March 23, Aaron and I ran (well...HE ran....I shuffled) our first race of the season...the Strides of March 5k.
And, boy...was it COLD!! Roughly 25 degrees...(shouldn't that be illegal or something??)
When we arrived, we saw many familiar faces...it felt good to see them again (even though they have absolutely no idea who we are). Aaron and I haven't really raced much over the past 2 years...just our annual half marathon and one or two other local races. I was feeling really excited to be there in the pre-race atmosphere. The annoyance of the cold and the early hour quickly faded away as we stretched and set out for our warm-up walk/jog.
I felt pretty confident...darn near cocky, actually...as we lined up at the starting line, that I would meet my two goals for this race: shuffling the whole time (no walking) and coming in under 36 minutes.
I turned up my ipod, kissed Aaron, wished him luck and told him I'd see him at the finish line. With that, the race began and he took off in front of me. I started off in a nice, comfortable shuffle...allowing my ankles and calves to loosen up and my breathing to become rhythmic. As I looked forward, I watched the front-runners (the Kenyans...in the neon running shoes) move swiftly... gracefully.... along the street. I wondered how often, and how far, they run everyday to look like that...to move like that. "It helps"...I thought to myself..."that they are long and lean...not average, chunky, and "barefoot" like you!"
So began my negative internal dialogue...
By the time I reached the 3/4 mile mark, the front runner was already coming back towards the finish line. "Holy crap!!" I thought as I gave him a congratulatory wave...."I am not even to the first mile yet and he is less than a mile away from FINISHED!! Where do people GET that?!?! Do I have that somewhere in me too??? Ummm.....that's a big fat 'NO'...."
By mile two of the 3.1 mile race, I was exhausted. My legs were burnt out and my lungs were frost-bitten...(I have no scientific data to back that, but my body wouldn't lie!!) I began to walk....goal number one broken....and gave myself a mental smack upside the head. "Quitter!! Wimp!! How in the hell are you going to run 13 miles if you cant even make it two?!"
Gasping for air, I began to feel the physical manifestations of my frustration and disgust for my physical decline over the past year. Tears began to well up in my eyes and my throat tightened, trying to hold them back. "Don't you dare cry! Just move!!! Crying wont fix this...moving will!!!" Fighting the urge to burst into tears created an unbearable tightness in my chest and throat...which forced me into a walk again. My internal abusive rantings changed to ones of relaxation and compassion...."Relax....relax....breathe....you're doing fine...just keep moving forward, you will get there....it's cold.....you are trying...at least you are here and not sleeping in bed...give yourself a break...it's been a while". With that, came a new appreciation for my body and its struggles.
I am not athletic, but I am trying...
And by trying....continuously....I just may become athletic
I finished in 37:20.....goal number 2 broken.....but I did it...
and I have a new goal for my next 5k...
finish under 37:20.
It was a good morning :)
And, boy...was it COLD!! Roughly 25 degrees...(shouldn't that be illegal or something??)
When we arrived, we saw many familiar faces...it felt good to see them again (even though they have absolutely no idea who we are). Aaron and I haven't really raced much over the past 2 years...just our annual half marathon and one or two other local races. I was feeling really excited to be there in the pre-race atmosphere. The annoyance of the cold and the early hour quickly faded away as we stretched and set out for our warm-up walk/jog.
I felt pretty confident...darn near cocky, actually...as we lined up at the starting line, that I would meet my two goals for this race: shuffling the whole time (no walking) and coming in under 36 minutes.
I turned up my ipod, kissed Aaron, wished him luck and told him I'd see him at the finish line. With that, the race began and he took off in front of me. I started off in a nice, comfortable shuffle...allowing my ankles and calves to loosen up and my breathing to become rhythmic. As I looked forward, I watched the front-runners (the Kenyans...in the neon running shoes) move swiftly... gracefully.... along the street. I wondered how often, and how far, they run everyday to look like that...to move like that. "It helps"...I thought to myself..."that they are long and lean...not average, chunky, and "barefoot" like you!"
So began my negative internal dialogue...
By the time I reached the 3/4 mile mark, the front runner was already coming back towards the finish line. "Holy crap!!" I thought as I gave him a congratulatory wave...."I am not even to the first mile yet and he is less than a mile away from FINISHED!! Where do people GET that?!?! Do I have that somewhere in me too??? Ummm.....that's a big fat 'NO'...."
By mile two of the 3.1 mile race, I was exhausted. My legs were burnt out and my lungs were frost-bitten...(I have no scientific data to back that, but my body wouldn't lie!!) I began to walk....goal number one broken....and gave myself a mental smack upside the head. "Quitter!! Wimp!! How in the hell are you going to run 13 miles if you cant even make it two?!"
Gasping for air, I began to feel the physical manifestations of my frustration and disgust for my physical decline over the past year. Tears began to well up in my eyes and my throat tightened, trying to hold them back. "Don't you dare cry! Just move!!! Crying wont fix this...moving will!!!" Fighting the urge to burst into tears created an unbearable tightness in my chest and throat...which forced me into a walk again. My internal abusive rantings changed to ones of relaxation and compassion...."Relax....relax....breathe....you're doing fine...just keep moving forward, you will get there....it's cold.....you are trying...at least you are here and not sleeping in bed...give yourself a break...it's been a while". With that, came a new appreciation for my body and its struggles.
I am not athletic, but I am trying...
And by trying....continuously....I just may become athletic
I finished in 37:20.....goal number 2 broken.....but I did it...
and I have a new goal for my next 5k...
finish under 37:20.
It was a good morning :)
Jumping jacks are hazardous to your health
That's right...I said it. I don't have scientific data to back this claim, but my own body wouldn't lie about it.
The other day, Abby asked me to exercise with her. "Ok" I said eagerly..."What would you like to do?"
"Jumping jacks" she replied.
As she began jumping around, arms and legs flailing about without rhythm or reason, I smugly told her "No honey, like this"
I stood straight, arms at my side...she did too.
I jumped up, opened my stance and raised my arms to the sky in one fluid motion, like the seasoned "jumping jacks pro" that I am...only....just my right arm made it into the air. My left stopped about mid way up as my shoulder screamed out in protest.
As I recoiled and grabbed my shoulder, I calmly told her "I'm done" and walked away with my throbbing shoulder injury.
Strong shoulders are overrated.
The other day, Abby asked me to exercise with her. "Ok" I said eagerly..."What would you like to do?"
"Jumping jacks" she replied.
As she began jumping around, arms and legs flailing about without rhythm or reason, I smugly told her "No honey, like this"
I stood straight, arms at my side...she did too.
I jumped up, opened my stance and raised my arms to the sky in one fluid motion, like the seasoned "jumping jacks pro" that I am...only....just my right arm made it into the air. My left stopped about mid way up as my shoulder screamed out in protest.
As I recoiled and grabbed my shoulder, I calmly told her "I'm done" and walked away with my throbbing shoulder injury.
Strong shoulders are overrated.
It's official....I'm fat
No joke. According to the CDC's BMI calculator, I am sitting comfortably, right smack in the middle of the "overweight" range with a BMI of 27. "Overweight" = a nice way of saying "fat" ...right?? Just a couple pounds away from "Obese" = a nice way of saying "dangerously fat".
It's really no surprise. I have been steadily gaining weight for a while...having gone back to school and not working full time, I spend most of my days sitting...driving to and from school, sitting while studying...and of course, doing a lot of eating while sitting.
I love to eat...and sit.
This winter has been a looong one...cooped up in the house...eating...sitting....
I got on the scale today...I am 165lbs. I am 5 foot 5.5 inches and am about 30-40 lbs overweight. I am tired, unmotivated, frustrated, depressed and have been speeding along on this track for a while now. I am officially way fatter than I have ever been.
As I near my 40th birthday, I realize that I have a choice to make. I can continue along on this very easy path of destruction to diabetes, heart disease, etc., etc...
Or I can put on the brakes and take a step in a different direction.
I plan to use this blog as a journal where I can document my journey to a (hopefully) better me. I am hoping that I will someday re-read these earlier posts and say "Wow!! I was a real wuss back then!!!!" I have chosen to use my upcoming half-marathon as my goal to be chasing. "They" say you need a goal to work towards...well, that's mine.
I have been debating whether or not to take some "before" pics and put them up here. I feel like I should, but cant quite get up the nerve to do so. I see it everyday in the mirror...do I really need to see it on here too? Besides...don't pictures add 10 lbs? And....what if my before pic looks BETTER than what I will look like by June 23rd...race day?
My fear is that come June, I will be wishing I had stuck to my quest to be healthier and stronger by race day. I have a tendency of coming up with great ideas...starting them...then growing tired and bored of them (translation: never finishing what I start). In fact, I'll be really surprised if I ever post another blog again after this one!!
One day at a time...
It's really no surprise. I have been steadily gaining weight for a while...having gone back to school and not working full time, I spend most of my days sitting...driving to and from school, sitting while studying...and of course, doing a lot of eating while sitting.
I love to eat...and sit.
This winter has been a looong one...cooped up in the house...eating...sitting....
I got on the scale today...I am 165lbs. I am 5 foot 5.5 inches and am about 30-40 lbs overweight. I am tired, unmotivated, frustrated, depressed and have been speeding along on this track for a while now. I am officially way fatter than I have ever been.
As I near my 40th birthday, I realize that I have a choice to make. I can continue along on this very easy path of destruction to diabetes, heart disease, etc., etc...
Or I can put on the brakes and take a step in a different direction.
I plan to use this blog as a journal where I can document my journey to a (hopefully) better me. I am hoping that I will someday re-read these earlier posts and say "Wow!! I was a real wuss back then!!!!" I have chosen to use my upcoming half-marathon as my goal to be chasing. "They" say you need a goal to work towards...well, that's mine.
I have been debating whether or not to take some "before" pics and put them up here. I feel like I should, but cant quite get up the nerve to do so. I see it everyday in the mirror...do I really need to see it on here too? Besides...don't pictures add 10 lbs? And....what if my before pic looks BETTER than what I will look like by June 23rd...race day?
My fear is that come June, I will be wishing I had stuck to my quest to be healthier and stronger by race day. I have a tendency of coming up with great ideas...starting them...then growing tired and bored of them (translation: never finishing what I start). In fact, I'll be really surprised if I ever post another blog again after this one!!
One day at a time...
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