I think I became a "runner" today.....

I have had an extremely gluttonous weekend (is "gluttonous" a word?)....

In two days I have attended 2 parties and one cookout and have consumed close to 10,000 calories...so far as I can estimate....

I have had a heck of a time charting all of that into My Fitness Pal!

According to MFP...I am allowed 1550 calories a day...which adds up to 10850 for the week....which means, I shouldn't eat anything else until about...

Wednesday.

I can honestly say, I am sick of pizza, cake, hamburgers.....and.....dare I say it out loud....
Buffalo Chicken Dip.

What does this have to do with my becoming a runner?

Well, tonight, after stuffing my face full of junk food and wine
I went for a shuffle....

I shuffled for 3.1 miles...a 5k.....it took me 36 minutes....

A slow shuffle.....not a "run" by any of my previous definitions.....
So, what was it about these 3 miles that I would hold them to a whole new standard?  Why was I a "runner" tonight and not a "shuffler"?

Here's why......
I NEEDED to go out for a shuffle....

I didn't just want to....I needed to...like.... urgently...desperately..."I cant take it anymore".... "If I don't I will EXPLODE".....

It was an all-consuming urge to shuffle like I've never experienced before....like a drug addict desperate for his next fix....like a full bladder waking you in the middle of the night.....an urge that could not be ignored and just had to be satisfied.

The sun was just beginning to set when we arrived home from our cookout...I told my husband that I would just shuffle on our road...just enough to get a little sweat going...

But it was more than that.  I desperately wanted to purge....

I felt like I had been poisoning myself all weekend....and shuffling was my Syrup of Ipecac.

I quickly changed into my running clothes and donned my headlamp.....

 (Yes...I actually DID go out with that thing clipped to my headband....that should give you some idea of how desperate I was to get out....)

....and shuffled my butt off!

I honestly don't remember the feeling of the pavement beneath my feet, or the burning in my legs...what I  DO remember is the feeling of wine, cheeseburger, 2 brownies, and an unspeakable amount of cheese and caramel popcorn mixing violently in my stomach.....cramping in my bowels.....and dry-heaving on the side of the road at mile 2.

I didn't care....I forced myself to keep shuffling....to feel the discomfort of the abuse I'd inflicted upon myself...and to ensure that the toxins would flush from my body....one way or another...

By mile 3, it was almost dark so I decided I'd had enough...I was beyond nauseous and just wanted to stop the torture.  I chatted briefly with my neighbor then quickly excused myself, moved swiftly into the house, and vomited......

Never before have I vomited from a shuffle....
and never before has vomiting caused such a sense of "cleansing relief"...

I realized tonight that I need to run....I don't like how I feel without it....
I am trading in my sugar addiction for a running addiction....

Why else would I leave the house looking like a crazed ninja-surgeon, heave in the ditch, keep huffing down the street like a freight train, then come home to puke?

The mug of a lunatic

Only a "runner" would do that!!

Keepin' it Real: Scientific Data Week 13

Wow!  13 weeks already??  A quarter of a year?  I am kind of shocked....and kind of proud of myself :)

Since I've been hiding from my blog (and my accountability) for a while, I will give a report on my exercise for the past two weeks...

I shuffled my half marathon on June 16th:

Where's Waldo?

I spent the rest of that day stuffing my face with buffalo chicken dip....because, well, I just shuffled a half marathon...and that gives me some kind of rights...

On Wednesday, I shuffled a very easy 5.5 miler at the park and got the pleasure of watching this little beauty who seemed completely OK with my presence....probably because of my bare feet....made me seem more, oh, I don't know....trustworthy?:

This past Sunday, we did a very hilly and HOT 10k (6.2 miles) race.  I thought this race was harder than the half marathon due to the heat and humidity (it was about 80 at 9am)...I was hoping to come in under 1hr 10 mins...I came in at 1hr 8 minutes.

After that race, I spent the day at my surprise 40th birthday party!!! :) :) :)........

eating buffalo chicken dip......because, well, it was my party and I'll eat buffalo chicken dip if I want to...

From Sunday the 13th to Sunday the 23rd I shuffled almost 25 miles!!

And I haven't shuffled since....

Due to the hills and the high number (for me, anyway) of miles, the top of my right foot was hurting without shoes...a very common injury for barefooters and minimalist runners.  This pain is an indicator that I shuffled too many miles for my abilities, and that my form was likely off (too much slapping down on the forefoot...especially down the steep hills)

So, instead of shuffling I have been "shakin' my groove thang" to Just Dance 4 with my girls and cutting the grass with the push mower.  Not exactly the same as shuffling, by any means, but I can "get my sweat on" and get outside!!!

Enough about that....

Let's talk about the fact that I am THIS CLOSE to TEN POUNDS LOST!!!

By "this close" I mean .4 lbs away!!  

So excited!!  

Here's some pics:

Fat gut Week 1

Not quite as fat gut Week 13

Side views:

Side view of walrus blubber Week 1

Week 13

And now, the numbers:

Beginning weight:  165

Today's weight:  155.4 (!!!!!)

Ok...let's face it....those are the only numbers I care about today!!! :)

Resistance

I've been hiding.

I haven't written in two weeks because I am sitting in the corner...pouting and whining...

I don't want to do what I have to do to lose weight!

I love to eat!!

No...it's not just that...I love to eat what I LOVE!!
Sugars...cheese....salt...
Ice cream....wine....

Buffalo. Chicken. Dip.....
dear God, I love buffalo chicken dip.....

Not only am I addicted to these foods that will prevent me from reaching my goals.... I also hate change.

I am such a creature of habit that I think it borders on some un-diagnosed mental disorder....
I have had the same breakfast, every morning, for 3 months now...and I'm cool with that....
Just TRY to change plans with me at the last minute....
I dare you to ask me to try a food that I have never tried before...
Has anyone seen me make a drastic change in my hair, make-up, or dress in, like, EVER???

I embrace "status quo".....in fact, when it comes to food, I cling to it with every ounce of my being...
asking myself to make some dietary changes is causing a great deal of anxiety....

....and pouting....

So, I have spent the last two weeks searching for some way that I can have my buffalo chicken dip... and eat it too....

I haven' t come up with a way that I can meet my goals withOUT making changes.....and that makes me angry....really angry....
like The Incredible Hulk angry....
like King Kong angry.....

"Do NOT take away my buffalo chicken dip!!!"

I used to say "I'd do anything to lose weight except eat right and exercise"....easy for me to say since that was back before I had a weight issue...


Up until now, I have been able to dance around my food addiction and hide it under my shuffling miles. I have lost weight so far....very slowly, but surely....just by increasing my shuffling miles.  But at this rate, it will take me a year to lose the 40 lbs I would like to lose...

....I am WAY too impatient for that!!!

And THAT is the enigma that is "ME"....
I hate change...yet I am getting impatient for these changes to come....

(See what I live with everyday??)

"They" say that one of the best ways to lose weight is to keep a food journal....
'Too complicated' I say....

I'll never stick with it if it's "too complicated"

"They" say to count calories....
'Blah!!' I say....

The thought of restricting my calories makes me want to eat everything in the kitchen (even the dog's food)!!!


Finally, the other day....as I walked gracefully about the house....I noticed a fair amount of "belly wibble"...
...you know, that "jello-like" bouncing that fat does?
Very noticeable in my arms, inner thighs, and back fat, but usually my pants can keep the "belly-wibble" under control...

Not on this particular day....

So, I decided I MUST just bite the bullet (taking care not to eat that too) and do SOMETHING!  I cannot just sit here between hating change and hating my fat....

I downloaded "My Fitness Pal" onto my phone....
again...
for the 4th time since last November...

I have installed and uninstalled this app 3 times previously...I simply couldn't bring myself to use it.

But yesterday, I began to use it...and I actually think it is pretty cool.  I don't know if it will help me lose weight, but it will bring some insight into how much and what kinds of food I am eating and help me make better choices....so long as I actually use it.

We'll see....

Just like my shuffling struggles in the beginning, it will be a daily struggle to make it a habit...

Things I learned: Yesterday's half marathon

Well...

The half marathon that has been the dangling carrot I've been chasing for the past 2.5 months is now a page in my history book...

and I am proud of myself :)

The weather was perfect...just after a good, soaking rain (puddles!!!)...cool, cloudy, and breezy...
Thank you, God :)

The atmosphere was electric...loud music playing...people shouting directions over loud speakers...anxious runners warming up (or bouncing in the long lines to the porta-potties)...elite runners sizing each other up...friends helping each other pin on their race bibs...and people giving me the familiar "is that weirdo REALLY running with no shoes on?!?!" look.

The course was hilly, hilly, and more hilly. Some of those hills were asphalt, some were gravel, some were mud...no matter the terrain, they all sucked.  Some of them I could put my head down and shuffle up.  Some I had to walk.  But...regardless of the size or the distance, I kept moving in a forward direction as swiftly as my stumps and my heart would allow.

In all honesty, I felt pretty amazing throughout most of the race!  My first couple miles were a little faster than I wanted (roughly 10 minute miles...I was shooting for 12's)...but it all evened out in the end.  My pace was quite comfortable for the first 3 miles and I knew that I would be happy that they were a bit faster when the hills started getting the best of me later in the course.  I went in with the plan that I would allow myself to walk when I needed a break, especially in a few spots where the hills were long and gradual...and butt kicking.  I planned that it would be on those hills that I would eat a GU, get a drink, put on or switch footwear if needed, etc.

The final 1.1 miles of the race were...in a  word...excruciating.  That was the LONGEST mile I have ever shuffled!!  At the 12 mile marker my ankle started hurting.  I had injured it a while back (pulled something...) and it has been a bit sore here and there ever since.  At that mile, I felt the pain again...and  it was beginning to sharpen.  'Please, God' I thought...'just get me through one more mile on this ankle...then I can be injured!'.  As much as my body hated to keep shuffling, my ankle felt better when I shuffled than when I walked.

As I neared the final .2 miles of the course, I could hear the crowd cheering on the runners at the finish line...there's nothing that gets my stumps pumping like the sound of cowbells and cheering...and the face of my wonderful husband coming back from finishing his race to see me through to the finish line :)

At mile 13 there was a race clock.  I was afraid to look....

Aaron and I have run this race 3 times previously.  Never before had I been in worse shape before starting to prepare for this race...and never before had I prepared more.  My best time for this race was 2 hours 41 minutes...my worst time was 3 hours and 3 minutes.

My hope for this year was to come in under 2 hours 45 minutes....

I looked up at the clock.  I saw "2"....
'Ok...good!'  I thought...'at least I am under 3 hours!'

The next number was a "3"...and a very large, goofy smile spread across my face....the next was a "6".

I shouted to my husband as he approached me..."Do you see my time?!?!"
He smiled back at me..."Yes!  Go!  You got this!"
"I cant go any faster! .... Did you see my time?!?!" I repeated excitedly.

It took me roughly 2 minutes to shuffle that last .1 mile....that's pretty darn slow...but I was OK with that.  I finished in 2 hours and 38 minutes (and some odd seconds)....a personal best :) .

Good stuff:)

Here are a few things I learned yesterday:

1.  I'd rather be first in the porta-potty line and last in the race than first in the race and last for the porta-potty.

2.  I poop more right before a race than I do all week.

3.  Elite runners can get away with wearing their underwear for a race...no seriously...JUST their underwear...perhaps I'd run a bit faster if I tried that....or catch my inner thighs on fire...

4.  Oranges slices at mile 10 are magical and capable of giving you super-human powers...

5.  One cannot run with an orange slice wedged against their teeth to pose for a "orange-toothed smiley face" picture for a blog while panting.  It just doesn't work.  Trust me.  Don't try it.  Humans are not capable of panting through their nose...

6.  Butt cracks chafe....why does no one talk about this?

7.  Oxygen deprivation mixed with dehydration and exhaustion at mile 11 feels a little like having too many glasses of wine...good thing there wasn't a karaoke machine or a Just Dance Wii game there .... I would have had to bring the party....

8.  Cowbells. are. awesome.

9.  Race volunteers are angels...runners can be a seriously messy lot!  

10.  "Runner's high" makes you believe you are capable of accomplishing impossible feats...like running a full marathon...or being the first person to run barefoot on the moon...

Here's to accomplishing impossible feats!!! :)

Keepin' it Real: Scientific Data Week 11

 When I started this blog back on March 26th, it was with the intent of logging my journey to a half-marathon...

That journey will be completed in 2 days....TWO.....SHORT....DAYS!
(Though, I am not quite "bikini-ready" yet...as you will note in the pics below.)

I have had a lot of fun writing in this blog...and hearing the feedback from those of you who have laughed at me...and with me....along the way :)

I think one or two of you were inspired to make changes as well...even if it was for just a minute ;)

As the original purpose for this blog nears its completion, I feel like I need to find a new longer-term goal to shoot for...I am in no way, shape, or form ready to stop now!  The fun has just begun!!

Along the way, it has been glaringly obvious that more than anything, I want to get down to a healthy weight.  When I began at 165, my BMI was smack-dab in the middle of the "Overweight" range.

Today, I am on the cusp of "Normal" and "Overweight".....

I'd be a fool to come this far, just to stop.....
No thanks!! I've put in way to much "sweat equity" to do that!!!!  Too many slugs have perished along the way...I will not let their premature deaths be in vain....
There is still so much that needs to be done!!

So...I've decided to keep blogging...but I've changed the name of the blog to "......A fat girl's journey to 131" to reflect the new focus.


Now...my week....

Last Saturday I REALLY wanted to get another 10-11 mile shuffle in before the half.  I shuffled a decent 6 miler then felt something "funny" in my right knee.  I had been having pain in my right heel after meeting up with that rock the week before.  I am assuming I was not really relaxing my foot and landing properly...for fear of further hurting my heel... which put undue strain on my knee.  That's my unscientific explanation anyway.

So, I stopped shuffling after 6 miles...walked for another mile...then decided to try out a chunk of the half marathon course....a gravely trail in another park.  I stopped home to get my water shoes (no...I absolutely can NOT run barefoot on gravel...though I do aspire to be that bad-a$$ someday!!!).  After warming up nicely with a 6 miler then getting into my car to drive for about 20 minutes, I was not able to truly find a good rhythm and ended up mostly walking this trail.  But...I DID snap some cool pics:

Yes...that is a big, black snake crossing the trail.  Now, there will be several hundred runners on this trail during the half....that thing is bound to give a few of them a fright if he makes an appearance that day.  I will keep my headphones off for this part of the course...I want to hear the shrieks :)


On Wednesday, we ran our 2nd 5k (3.1 miles) of the season.  You may (or may not) recall that horrible 5k I shuffled back in March.  I felt much better prepared for this one!  My goal was to beat my best Flag Day race that I ran in 2009 (my first year that I started running....I had shoes on that year).  The time I wanted to beat was 30:07.
I felt good for the first mile!  I had been a little nervous about how my heel would hold up...but my heel felt strong and pain-free...and so did the rest of me!  At mile one, my time was 9:14.  Not bad...especially considering that 2.5 months ago I could hardly do a 12 minute mile!  Mile 2 was slightly uphill...and I was getting a bit tired.  I cannot hold a "fast" pace for long...a sprinter, I am NOT!  My 2nd mile split was 19:40.  I did the math in my head and became quite excited.  I could easily hammer out a 10 minute mile to finish under 30 minutes!  (Somehow, in my hazy excitement, I forgot about that extra .1 mile...AND that mossy hill that stood between me and the finish line.)  The course took us into the woods on a paved trail.  The hill that met me at the entrance into the woods kicked me square in the chest.  I couldn't maintain my pace and ended up having to walk the last half of it (my shuffling speed was surely slower than I could walk).  As I neared the crest, a girl that had been just behind me for a good part of the race, passed me....and that ticked me off!  At the top, I made it my mission to go "ninja" on her...I was going to pass her!  Even if it meant exploding my heart in the process! As I came out of the woods, I descended the hill to the 3 mile mark.  She began to gain some distance and I broke into a .....run??....I think???  With less than a tenth of a mile to the finish line, I looked up at the race clock.  My heart sank when I saw the last seconds of "30 minutes" fade away.  I literally wanted to stop, throw up my hands, and have a major temper tantrum right there...steps away from the finish line.  Instead, I took out my frustrations on the poor girl in front of me and ran as fast as my stubby legs would take me....and I blew past her about 20 yards before the finish chute.  'Take THAT!!'  I thought to myself as I passed her by.  'You cannot beat THIS ninja!!'

My time was 31:06 .....
and I was disappointed...

Then I made a new goal...to break a 30 minute 5k this summer...

Alright....let's get to some data!

Week 1
(Is this picture burned into your memory yet?)

Week 11

Week 1

Week 11

I am excited that these pants actually felt a little comfortable today!  I didn't have to ninja kick once to get them on!  Though, I still have to do a bit of wiggling to get them past my thighs and hips....

This week's numbers:

Days until half:  2 (I get butterflies in my stomach...and my butt tingles...when I think of it...)

Am I ready? :  Define "ready".....

Miles shuffled this week:  9

Beginning weight:  165

Last week's weight:  159.2

Today's weight:  157.2 (2 lbs?!  Yay!!!!!!!!)

Number of times I stepped on scale:  2     (Yes...I tried to get rid of the .2 lbs...then remembered that my scale is abusive and just knew that if I stepped on it one more time it would read 160....so I left well-enough alone!)

Pilates? Bike? Yoga?:  Ummm, I think you know the answer to that....but I DID cut the grass with the push mower!  That counts!  Right?

Next week's goal:  Shuffle the half marathon in a manner that makes me proud of myself :)

Keepin' it real: Scientific data Week 10

It's Friday...the day of reckoning.....

I was going to skip my blog entry today....no kidding.  I actually made the conscious decision to NOT write today...

....until my beautiful sister called me and stated..."It's Friday!!  Don't you know we are all waiting for your next post?!"

I don't know who "we all" is exactly, but... way to keep me accountable for my choices and actions...

(sigh)...

So...as I sit here at the kitchen table and devour my chicken nuggets with honey and mac 'n cheese (plus the two Little Debbie Zebra Cakes for hoursdourves....hors d'orves.....horse...oh never mind.....appetizers!!), I will tell you how my week was.

It started really strong!  I had two fabulous shuffles on Saturday and Sunday!  In those two days, I shuffled 17 miles! (One seven miler and one 10 miler)  Awesome!!

My weight was 158!  I lost a pound during that weekend!

I shuffled another beautiful 6 miler on Tuesday....after a very large lunch of Chinese food!!  (Really yummy burps the whole time, by the way!)

But then my week took an all-too-familiar turn...
I blame the Chinese....

...and their delicious food!!!
That was the catalyst that began my descent into the hole I find myself trapped in today...
...plus, it's cold and cloudy and has been for a couple days....
...plus, I have been studying for an exam, which has me sitting...and eating...

...plus, I love Little Debbie!!

.....I'm talking crazy-stupid love for Little Debbie....

So, yeah....after 10 weeks, I still have this part of me that just... wont... die!!!!
I have been trying my best to feed it to death!!!!  I am hoping that one day it will just consume so much junk that it will explode and I will be done with it forever!!!

How do I get through these cold, cloudy days without eating everything in sight?!  Seriously!!  If there is one thing that Ohio has an abundance of it is cold, cloudy, (crappy!!!) days....

I need to figure something out...



The Numbers:

Days until half:  8
Miles shuffled this week:  23! :)
Average pace:  10-11 min/mile
Goals met for this week:  Well...I met my 10 mile goal and had two great 6+ milers...
Beginning weight:  165
Last week's weight:  159
Today's weight:  159.2  (&*%$!!!!!)
Pilates?  Yoga?  Bike?:  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hours spent sitting in front of my computer studying, eating, playing, and complaining about the weather, in the past 2 days:  Roughly 15
New zits:  150


See why I wanted to skip my post today??

Will someone please turn the heat back up and the lights back on??
Thanks!

Things I learned today.....

....on my 10.2 mile shuffle.

Yes...that's right....TEN POINT TWO MILES!!! :)

First off...YAY!!!

I met a goal for the week!
In fact, between yesterday and today, I shuffled 17 miles!!
I am happy.....and I am tired...I will be taking a rest day tomorrow.

So...what did I learn today?

1.  I can shuffle for about 6 miles comfortably...(that number seems to grow each week!)  After 6, my body gets stuck in one, numb gear...once I'm in that gear, I cannot get out of it....

2.  When I shuffle tired (head down, arms pulled up), I feel tired....when I shuffle strong and relaxed, I feel strong and relaxed...it is a conscious decision that I make.

2.  Delirium begins to set in at about mile 8...after that, I am just your average ninja warrior...chasing down my enemies until they die of exhaustion....my feet don't even touch the ground....I am levitating...it is good...

3.  Puddles are soul cleansing (and SOLE cleansing)...I cannot avoid them...I am drawn to them by some all-powerful force that I cannot fight...kind of like my dog used to be powerless against the force that compelled her to sneak nuggets out of the litter box.....I will risk life and limb to shuffle through one, even if it means dodging  in and out of bike traffic....

Puddles....drinks for the soul!  

4.  Heel striking on a rock because I'm not paying attention, sucks!!  However, the pain does subside after about half a mile....until then, hopping around and mumbling obscenities does the trick...

5.  Slugs are cold and slimy when they are squished, just as one might expect.  Other things that are cold and slimy include leaves, grass clippings, and worms.  Common sense dictates that dog poop falls under this category as well, though I don't have first-hand experience with that.....yet.

6.  After 3 years of barefoot shuffling, I still get amusement from others' reactions to my naked feet...it just never gets old.

7.  My feet get pretty ripped and pumped after a long shuffle...like Arnold Schwarzenegger's pecks...big, blue, bulging veins....I am both disgusted and amazed by this phenomenon....perhaps I should enter them in one of those muscle competitions....if only I could get them tan....

8.  Vitamin Water is the most amazing drink a fat, sweat-soaked, shuffler could ever consume...even if it is as warm as a bottle of soup...and likely brimming with BPA.....

9.  Children who witness my barefoot frolic want to join in the fun too....they get it....

10.  The soles of my feet totally kick ass...phalt!!!!! (See what I did there, Mom?).  The rest of my body can only aspire to be as tough and amazing ..... I don't know how many 10's of thousands of steps I took between today's shuffle and yesterday's....but my feet hold up better than any other part of my body.....I am thoroughly amazed at my body's ability to adapt ..... and though they are always a bit dirty and tired after shuffling, they are no worse for the wear..

10.2 miles....and only a slug gut or two to show for it...

11.  After 10.2 miles today, I'm certain I could have gone another 3 miles...slow and steady always gets me to my destination...I will trust that....

12.  I am stronger than I have given myself credit for....