Time to hit the 'reset' button

I can honestly say I have had maybe one or two successful days since....oh....about August.  No, actually, my downward spiral began after that pathetic Mantua Potato Stomp race in which I injured my foot.  THAT was the start of the end for me.....

Now, Fall has descended upon Northern Ohio....and hibernation mode is in full swing!!  My body is preparing itself for the long, cold winter that lies just around the corner.  I have traded in my daily green juice smoothies for piles and piles of Oreo Double Stuff cookies and potato chips.  My goodness.....I just can't get enough!!

In fact....I present to you.....definitive PROOF that I am,  indeed, going into hibernation mode.  Check out this article from the UK's "Daily Mail".  I'm sure this is bonafide, peer-reviewed data here!!  And really....let's be honest......as long as it goes along with what I think, I will take it as "factual" regardless of its sources:

 http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-94678/Tired-hungry-sad-Relax-youre-hibernating.html

See!!  Oreos make the perfect hibernation food!!!
Need more proof?  Well, have a look at this picture that I took just the other day of our back yard during our "Pre-Halloween-6-inch-lake-effect-snow-event"

Friends.....if it's good enough for the squirrels....it's good enough for me!!!

The way I see it, I can do things with this scientific information that I have always known in my heart to be true:  I can use this as yet another excuse, just roll over (in my nice, warm, cozy bed) and let nature take its course (see ya in the Spring!!).  Or....I can recognize and respect the foe against whom I will be fighting for the next 6 months....and fight it every. single. day.  Winter is, and always has been, very difficult for me to get through without getting sluggish (LAZY) and gaining weight.

How am I going to fight against my very own genetic make up?  Generations and generations of evolutionary behaviors?!  I want to hibernate!  Every cell in my body is under the spell of crunchy, creamy, sugary, Oreo Greatness!!!!!

I'm going to shuffle.

That's how.

Shuffling is my only weapon against this demon of mine.  Shuffling long enough to get my heart rate up to an uncomfortable, sweaty level....breathing fresh air deep into my longs....taking step after step after step, until my legs are aching...my feet begging me to stop.  Only then do I feel calm....awake....normal...

.....better.



I have decided to give up the notion of cutting calories and restricting foods to lose weight through this winter.  If I shuffle, I stop craving sugar.  What I DO crave is proteins...carbs (mostly fruit)....water....foods high in potassium....and salt.  Shuffling not only decreases my appetite, it decreases my depression...my anxiety....my cloudy mind....all of that in one hour of not-so-athletic shuffling.

Today was a perfect example.  I fought with myself for about an hour to get out for a shuffle.  On a scale of 0 to 10.....10 being "I have better things to do with my time, like do Google searches for why pictures of giraffes are blowing up Facebook!"......0 being "I am too tired to BREATHE let alone shuffle!!!"  my motivation to go out for a shuffle was about a negative 8!!  (For reference, going to get my annual gynecological exam ranks at about a negative 4).  But I forced myself to do a slow 5 miler (12 min hilly miles) and felt 150 times better by the time I got home.  One hour of fresh air, sunshine, cool autumn breezes, sweat, and a pounding heart gets my mind and body to a great place.

So.....I'm hitting the reset button.  I am starting over.  I will no longer look at these last couple months as a failure....it is a natural reaction that I (unfortunately) have to the changing of the seasons here.  It is a demon I will fight until Spring.  Today is my "square one".  My new goal is to successfully shuffle the 20 mile race for which we are registered in April.  I will NEED to shuffle regularly throughout the winter to meet that goal.  I will get back into the habit of blogging, as the feedback from my friends and family keeps me motivated.

Hibernation is not an option.

Yesterday' half....my reflections on the "gross-ness of running"

Yesterday's half marathon was...in a word...amazing!!! Honey and I both ran our best Half Marathons ever!  I shuffled my very first sub 2:30!!! (not bad for being out for a month!!)

The weather was perfect....the atmosphere was energizing...the crowd was friendly...the terrain was very barefoot-friendly....and my feet felt strong throughout the entire 13.1 miles!  I shuffled up every hill...stopped briefly to stretch at miles 5 and 10.....and drank a little at almost every water stop.  I only needed my scuba shoes for about .25 mile on a rough stretch of road...other than that, my feet were bare.

There was no celebratory body surfing or majestic french horns at the finish line.....but I did receive some encouraging chanting of "SHUFF-LER!!" via text, Facebook, and MFP before, during, and after the race. Each one of those made me smile and helped push to me to the finish line!!!  Thank you for that!!

This race will be an annual tradition, to be sure!!  In fact, Honey and I have made the decision to attempt the full marathon (our first!) at this event next year!  We have signed up for a 20 miler in April, which will keep us training throughout the winter...(we'll see how THAT goes!!)...then we'll keep up the mileage and training through next summer....at least...that's the plan!

I could sit here and rehash the race....giving you a mile-by-mile rundown.

But I won't.

I've decided to reflect upon some scientific observations I made yesterday...

What I really want to discuss is just how gross running is....

It is a sport where participants must endure the oozing, spraying, spilling, splattering...and sometimes gushing...of various bodily fluids....your own, and others'.
....A sport where participants' freedom to express bodily functions is accepted as normal, so long as they happen somewhere between the "start" and "finish" lines....(or in the darkness of a porta-potty).
These are the ties that bind us....the glue that bonds the running community into a close-knit brotherhood.

Here are some examples from yesterday's race:

Example 1:  One cannot hover, and subsequently "hit the target", in a pitch-black porta potty.
There were about 100 people waiting for the 7 porta potties....with more runners making their way into the line with each passing minute.  When my turn came, I entered the porta potty and closed the door.  It didn't take long for me to realize this was going to be tricky...it was 6:45 in the morning....the sun had not yet risen....and the porta potty was completely dark.  Luckily....I had my phone strapped to my arm.  I lit it up and began unrolling the toilet paper to place on the toilet seat (I am completely unable to hover!).  As I turned to the toilet, I caught a glimpse of something glistening and brown on the back of the seat.  I aimed my phone toward it....and realized that the person before me had missed the hole.  I stared at it for a minute....unsure of what to do next.
I contemplated my options.....
Wipe it off, risk getting it on my hand and acquiring some sort of flesh-eating disease.....
Or walk out, proclaim loudly "Man!!! Don't go in THAT one!!!!" and get back into line and wait another 20-30 minutes to use the bathroom.
I sighed.....wrinkled up my face....grabbed a gigantic wad of toilet paper....wiped it off the seat...all the while mumbling obscenities under my breath.  I sprayed my hands with the sanitizer and covered the seat with a layer of toilet paper.
((shiver))


Example 2:  Runners will pee anywhere...and it's ok 
 I cannot count how many men I saw jumping out from the bushes or standing in the bushes along the course...it's just the norm.  At the beginning of the race, for a moment, I thought to myself...."Boy...they're lucky!  I wonder how many women do that".  But...at about mile 6 or so, I think I discovered how women handle this bodily function during a race....
We just pee our pants.
No...seriously.....
As I stopped to get a drink at the water stop around mile 6, it just started to sprinkle out....I couldn't stop it.  It wasn't a full-on "pee"... it was kind of like "standing right next to a swimming pool and all of a sudden you have to pee right now" kind of pee...  It stopped as soon as I started shuffling again...but I realized it was OK!  I was soaked with sweat anyway....I was smelly anyway...no one would notice even if I peed all over my shoes!!!  (And not just because I wasn't wearing any!!).

Again...as long as it happens during the race....totally acceptable behavior.

Example 3:  Boogers boogers everywhere!!
Snot-rockets....loogies....being blown out of noses mid-run....hacked up and spit....carried on the breeze....
Runners fill with mucus....mucus makes it impossible to breathe....which makes it impossible to run....

I don't know how many cold, slimy puddles of phlegm I stepped in yesterday...after a while, I just appreciated the cold on my hot feet....thankful for the disgusting habits of the runners before me...
Gross?  Of course....but only if it happens outside the boundaries of the race course.


The best part of any race is its completion....hanging out with other sweaty, stinky, urine-soaked runners...eating bananas and pizza, guzzling Gatorade, and relishing in our collective "runner's high" while we rehash the course and congratulate each other on a job well done.

Yes....running is a gross sport....
but where else can you be so disgusting yet so completely accepted?

I've decided....

As you may, or may not care to, remember...I injured my foot in a failure of a 9 mile race (blog post dated Friday, September 13th).  I spent a couple weeks in a air cast and was told to rest it.

Torturous!

No shuffling for a month.....the month before our scheduled half marathon....the half marathon for which I had been training the entire summer...

The half marathon that I have decided to shuffle....
tomorrow.

Against my better judgement...my husband's...and no doubt most of the readers of this blog...

I WANT to.....so I am going to.

That finisher's medal....the Brooks pull-over....
I own them....I bought them.....I deserve to receive them...
I worked hard for them!!

I will work hard for them....and get them....tomorrow.

I have shuffled a handful of times since my foot healed.  A mile and a half one day....then 3 miles another day....then 5.

This past Wednesday I shuffled 9.
My foot felt wonderful....I felt wonderful...until mile 6.
I was exhausted....my legs were jello....I wanted to stop...
I ALMOST stopped and gave up on the idea of doing the half...
until...

 I heard a horn honking behind me.  I jumped out of my skin and turned to see an old friend from high school (who was just visiting from California) slowing down to say "hi".  That incident....that little gesture of kindness and encouragement...(and the quick burst of adrenaline!) was ALL I needed to complete my 9 mile shuffle :)

Thank you, Rob!!! :)

I know that I am not in the best shape to shuffle this half marathon...I am just now not sore (3 days later)...I don't expect to PR or break any shuffling records....
I just want to participate in a long, slow-and-steady shuffle along the lake shore on a beautiful, Fall morning....with 1000 of my closest friends....

and earn the finisher's medal I paid for.


On my mind's movie screen...where I play the lead role and the world revolves around me....I imagine this going one of two ways....


I imagine myself shuffling swiftly, effortlessly across the asphalt (yes...it IS asphalt...we checked!!) and finishing the race with nary a drop of sweat on my brow....arms raised high in triumph...long blonde hair flowing in the warm autumn breeze...the crowd cheers and chants my name....."SHUFF-LER!!  SHUFF-LER!!"  I am picked up by my adoring fans and crowd-surfed while sunshine illuminates my smiling face....as I hold up the finishers medal...all of this happening in slow-motion to the majestic sound of french horns.

Or....

I finish "Forrest Gump" style....."Stupid is, as stupid does".....
Walking off the course at mile ten because I've re-injured my foot while on-lookers shake their heads and say "wow...what the hell did she think was going happen?!  She isn't even wearing any shoes!!!" while my friends and family silently think to themselves "Wow...what the hell did she think was going to happen?  She just healed a foot injury!!" all the while knowing they had better not vocalize those thoughts out loud for fear of making me angry.....

They wouldn't like me when I'm angry....

No matter the outcome....

I will just blame Rob!