Resistance

I've been hiding.

I haven't written in two weeks because I am sitting in the corner...pouting and whining...

I don't want to do what I have to do to lose weight!

I love to eat!!

No...it's not just that...I love to eat what I LOVE!!
Sugars...cheese....salt...
Ice cream....wine....

Buffalo. Chicken. Dip.....
dear God, I love buffalo chicken dip.....

Not only am I addicted to these foods that will prevent me from reaching my goals.... I also hate change.

I am such a creature of habit that I think it borders on some un-diagnosed mental disorder....
I have had the same breakfast, every morning, for 3 months now...and I'm cool with that....
Just TRY to change plans with me at the last minute....
I dare you to ask me to try a food that I have never tried before...
Has anyone seen me make a drastic change in my hair, make-up, or dress in, like, EVER???

I embrace "status quo".....in fact, when it comes to food, I cling to it with every ounce of my being...
asking myself to make some dietary changes is causing a great deal of anxiety....

....and pouting....

So, I have spent the last two weeks searching for some way that I can have my buffalo chicken dip... and eat it too....

I haven' t come up with a way that I can meet my goals withOUT making changes.....and that makes me angry....really angry....
like The Incredible Hulk angry....
like King Kong angry.....

"Do NOT take away my buffalo chicken dip!!!"

I used to say "I'd do anything to lose weight except eat right and exercise"....easy for me to say since that was back before I had a weight issue...


Up until now, I have been able to dance around my food addiction and hide it under my shuffling miles. I have lost weight so far....very slowly, but surely....just by increasing my shuffling miles.  But at this rate, it will take me a year to lose the 40 lbs I would like to lose...

....I am WAY too impatient for that!!!

And THAT is the enigma that is "ME"....
I hate change...yet I am getting impatient for these changes to come....

(See what I live with everyday??)

"They" say that one of the best ways to lose weight is to keep a food journal....
'Too complicated' I say....

I'll never stick with it if it's "too complicated"

"They" say to count calories....
'Blah!!' I say....

The thought of restricting my calories makes me want to eat everything in the kitchen (even the dog's food)!!!


Finally, the other day....as I walked gracefully about the house....I noticed a fair amount of "belly wibble"...
...you know, that "jello-like" bouncing that fat does?
Very noticeable in my arms, inner thighs, and back fat, but usually my pants can keep the "belly-wibble" under control...

Not on this particular day....

So, I decided I MUST just bite the bullet (taking care not to eat that too) and do SOMETHING!  I cannot just sit here between hating change and hating my fat....

I downloaded "My Fitness Pal" onto my phone....
again...
for the 4th time since last November...

I have installed and uninstalled this app 3 times previously...I simply couldn't bring myself to use it.

But yesterday, I began to use it...and I actually think it is pretty cool.  I don't know if it will help me lose weight, but it will bring some insight into how much and what kinds of food I am eating and help me make better choices....so long as I actually use it.

We'll see....

Just like my shuffling struggles in the beginning, it will be a daily struggle to make it a habit...