1 year anniversary

As I washed a gigantic piece of chocolate cake down the hatch with a tall, icy-cold glass of milk....(and burped up the Mc Donald's cheeseburger I had just minutes before)....
I had a thought.....

'Hey!!  It was around this time last year that I started my blog and my journey to a healthier me!!!'

I got online and checked......yep!  One year ago tomorrow.  One whole year!!!

I reflected upon my accomplishments:
logged my food for months....exercised as often as I could...shuffled farther and faster than ever.....lost 16 pounds by August!!

16 POUNDS!!!......

I felt amazing....I was happy with the way I looked...I had a positive outlook on life!!!

Then.......Winter.

Cold.
Dark.
Windy.
Snowy.
Icky.
Yucky.
Sucky.
Crappy.
Winter.

I tried to fight it...I swear I did!!  But as all of us know here in this part of Ohio, this has been an excruciatingly torturous season....
really...
according to the thermometer, it has been January for three straight months now!!

I spent the winter doing what I do best.....
I sat....and ate.....
Got depressed...tired....angry....had zero energy....
(I mean ZE-RO!)
and gained all of those 16 pounds back by February.

Every. Single. Ounce.

Epic. Failure.

I have successfully made it back to square one....full circle.
(sigh).....
seriously....

I've gone from slim, strong, and healthy.....
to fat, pale, and tired-looking...

Remember the scene where ET is lying all sick-like in the river?

Truth...that's my most recent selfie ....

but I'm not lying down because I'm half-dead...I'm just really tired, unmotivated, and bored.
I have been getting my butt kicked by winds that freeze the skin right off my face,  endless snow, and lack of Vitamin D.

Blah, blah, blah....
same old excuses as always...
same old results as always...

Somewhere along the way, I made the choice to give up and revert to my old, lazy, ways.
I'm actually quite sick of even talking about it...


However, even though I have fallen off the healthy-eating-wagon, whacked my head, and got run over by its wheels.....there is one positive between where I was a year ago and where I am today.

My shuffling.

I DID continue to shuffle this winter, though not as often as I had anticipated...but certainly more than last winter!  I am still able to shuffle about 5 miles at a time pretty "comfortably" and try to do that at least once a week, or once every other week.  Certainly not up to where I was, but at least it is something!

As we approach the Strides of March 5k that is this Sunday, I re-read my blog post from last year's race report.  I know I am much more capable this year to complete this race!  It won't be as difficult this time...and I have given up the negative self-talk that was such a huge part of who I was last year.

So as Spring (hopefully!!!) begins to thaw us out, I am eager to get my bare feet back onto the asphalt and shed this hibernation blubber I've accumulated.  My Abby has adopted the oh-so-esteem-boosting practice of grabbing a hold of my belly fat while she giggles about "tickling my chubbies"....

Yeah.....
not ok.

I am holding out hope that in the next couple months, she will have a harder time finding chubbies to grab a hold of!

Shuffler's Log #4 (Week 1/11 - 1/17/14)

Friday, January 17, 2014
Park (Shuffle)
Begin:  11:14
End: 12:16

Total Time: 1:02 (58 mins shuffling, 4 mins walking)
Total Distance: 5.01 miles
Avg. pace: 12min/mile

Weather conditions: Sunny, cold, low 30's with wind chills in 20's
Road conditions: Wet, patchy slush/ice
Course:  Road; out and back; rolling hills

Attire: Sweats, scuba shoes, balaclava......

(Very ninja-esque!!!.....and creepy.....like Hannibal Lector...)

Ok.....where was I again???

Oh yeah.....

.......thermal undershirt, long sleeved t-shirt, short sleeved t-shirt, gloves, sunglasses

Comfort:  Quite cold while stretching, but warmed to comfortable pretty quickly...within first 5 minutes.  Right foot was cold (it is always colder than my left, for some reason) and almost numb during first mile, but warmed to normal around the 1 mile mark.  Face was toasty and the air coming in through my face mask was comfortable temperature, but glasses kept fogging up, which was seriously annoying.  Pulled face mask down under my nose which helped with the fogging, but then my nose was frosty.  Played with that situation until the turn around point (2.5 miles) then kept the face mask off comfortably for the rest of my shuffle.

Overall feel of shuffle:  Comfortably uncomfortable.  I started at the "low" end of the park this time, which meant I would spend the first 2.5 miles climbing up a slight, but long, hill.  Also, this course starts with a downhill then two up hills right off the bat, so my heart rate shot up pretty quickly right out of the gate.  But overall, I liked doing the course this way.  I was surprised to see how much time I spent in Zone 4 though.

Physical discomfort:  None, really.  Right foot soreness in that injury spot for the first mile, but I was able to adjust my foot falls to stop it.  No other abnormal discomfort.

Cardiovascular discomfort: Nothing abnormal....shuffling and getting my HR up into the 170's and 180's for an hour always sucks though.... ;)  Was happy to see that my maximum HR was below 200 this time.  Only touched zone 5 a handful of times, and those were always right before I crested a hill....I did not stop to walk at all today when I reached this zone, as I knew my HR would come back down on the other side of the hills.  I just wanted to give zone 5 a quick high five, then duck back down into zone 4 a few times...was not too bad. :)

Psychological discomfort: Before I arrived at the park, I had to stop to get gas.  As I got out of my car, the cold wind hit me and I was instantly angry that I had to go for a shuffle (cold wind makes me so MAD!!).  As I drove to the park, I had the heat cranked...it was so warm and cozy in my car...I almost passed the park up and drove right back home!  But I didn't.  I picked a spot in the sun to stretch out, which felt good, though my feet were pretty cold.  Once I started shuffling, though, I found my peaceful place...the sun felt wonderful on my face (the little bit of face that was showing) and I could even feel it warming the wet asphalt through the soles of my scuba boots.  (I am still always amazed at how sensitive the soles of my feet are...even with the toughened skin).  Birds were singing in the woods...I even saw a couple Robins!!  Shuffling, though physically icky, is such a wonderful stress and anxiety reliever!  

I continued to shuffle in this peaceful state of mind for the good majority of the time.  Until I saw a couple "real runners".  Two of which carried on a long conversation as they ran gracefully on the snowy, icy trails...they were even laughing!!! They were having a glorious time!!  I'll never understand how runners can have conversations while running!!  Don't they need that air?? Good heavens!!  I hardly have enough breath to think conversations, let alone say them out loud!  And LAUGH?!?! Really?!?!  Laughing is the FARTHEST thing from my mind when I am shuffling!  Nothing is that funny when I am that close to death!!

Then, as I neared the end of my shuffle, along comes this man...at least 8 feet tall....prancing along...long legs that were certainly made of rubber....beautiful, straight posture....effortlessly gliding along the trail.  "Wow" I thought to myself (because, we've already established I cannot talk whilst shuffling)....he was the most stunningly beautiful runner ever.  He reminded me of those Lipizzaner stallions the way he pranced and sprang so gracefully along...

"I want to try that!"  I thought.

I sucked in my bouncing belly blubber (try saying THAT 10 times fast!), tightened my core, stood a bit straighter and stronger, and allowed my legs to prance under me...I sprang about....boing, boing, boing...prancing, dancing, gliding....I looked just like this:

Well, I THOUGHT I looked like that...I FELT like that!!  But when I looked at my shadow, I looked more like....

My shadow looked like Barney trying to River Dance....

That caused me a little psychological discomfort.

Shuffler's Log # 3 (Week 1/11-1/17/14)

Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Outside (walk)
Begin:  13:32
End: 14:35

Total time:  1 hr, 3 mins.
Total distance: 3.73 miles
Avg. Pace: 17:03/mile

Weather conditions: Sunny, low 40's
Road conditions: Dry
Course: Road; mostly rolling hills with one very large hill in the middle

Attire:  Sweat pants, long sleeve shirt, heavy vest, running shoes (thought it was weird that I wore my running shoes to walk...felt odd to have them on, but my foot was sore from the day before so I needed something snug and supportive....like a warm hug for my feet!! :)  )
Comfort:  Was very comfortable, felt great to give my feet a rest.  Walking without support tends to be harder on my feet than shuffling is.

Overall feel of walk:  Very easy and comfortable.  Was actually difficult to get my heart rate up into Zone 1 (which begins at 128 bpm)...even at a brisk pace!!  Since I knew that my heart rate wouldn't get into the required Zones 3 and 4 by walking, I decided to go up and down...and up and down...the large hill in the middle of my route.  THAT did the trick ;)  And it made for a pretty cool graph:

How fun is THAT?!  My heart rate climbed and fell with the elevation of the hill (my monitor was not on the first time I climbed it.....and yes...it IS unnerving to see a "flat line" on my monitor....).

This pic got me thinking...I wonder if I can write things in my HR graph.....you know...like, can I make my HR graph write out "Hi" or "help me!!"?

Going to have to try that somehow......

My walk was uneventful with no soreness or discomfort.  My foot was happy for the rest and I felt refreshed when I got back home.

Shuffler's Log #2 (Week of 1/11/14-1/17/14)

Monday, January 13, 2014
Kent State Rec Center
Begin: 18:10
End: 18:50

Total time:  40 mins (approx 30 mins total shuffling time)
Total distance:  Unknown (around 3.5 miles)
Avg. pace:  Unknown (est. 10 - 11 min/mile)

Weather conditions:  Well....it was cold, rainy, and dark...but I didn't mind!!  I was inside!!
Road conditions:  Hmmmm....assuming they were wet...and cold.....and dark...
Course:  KSU indoor track...flat....and round....and rubbery....and stinky....

Attire:  Running pants (ok...I really don't know...or care....what the technical term is for these tight, stretchy, black pants I run in.  I will just refer to them as my running pants and leave it at that); t-shirt; scuba shoes.
Comfort:  Yes

Overall feel of run:  Ok....this whole experience was a frustrating one.  I arrived in Kent after a way-too-long drive, due to traffic.  Then when I checked into the Rec Center, they denied my access.  After a long fiasco and a lot of wasted time, I hit the track.  I was hoping to get an hour in, but ran out of time before my class.  I was not happy!  Furthermore, I couldn't get wi-fi in there so my Runtastic/Heart rate app wouldn't record.  I usually don't enjoy running indoors or on a track....BOOORRRIIINNNGGG!!

.....and it was CROWDED!!!!!!  Like crazy crowded!  Crowded with tons of young college students... first day of semester....New Year's resolutions....lets-like-go-check-out-the-hot-guys-at-the-gym-because-like-we-get-free-access-to-them-just-because-like-we-are-students-here-but-be-sure-not-to-run-too-fast-because-like-we-may-mess-up-our-hair-and-sweat girls who checked themselves out in the windows that encircle the track....
(yep.....I'm old)

But, I digress....

The feel of my shuffle....was great.  I felt strong and comfortable...and dare I say, FAST?!  Though, it probably had more to do with my perception than my actual speed. But since I don't have the data to disprove it, I am going to say I was FAST this night!!!

In fact, the last couple laps I shuffled, I felt everything just click into place.  My legs really felt comfortable going fast!!  I felt like a freight train!!  I had to hold back the urge to do my best train whistle impression.....WOO-WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  Not because I'd be embarrassed, but because I didn't have enough wind in me to even muster the first WOO.  Unfortunately, my heart and my legs are NOT on the same page!  My heart enjoys a comfortable 11-12 minute mile.....(ok....not really, but it will tolerate it).  But my legs enjoy the feel of a swifter stride...one in which my feet just lightly touch the ground to keep me afloat....I hope that my heart and legs get on the same page someday...

Physical discomfort:  None during the shuffle.  But that night and the next day my right foot hurt where I injured it in September.  It actually felt the same...I was pretty bummed out and nervous that I had re-injured it.  But it feels fine today (1/17) and I think it was just the stress of constant left turns on the track.  We'll see when I go out for my shuffle today how it is.

Oh yeah....and I really had to pee!!!

Cardiovascular discomfort:  When I felt myself reaching what I felt to be Zone 5 rates, I slowed down (I did not walk) my pace.  When I felt it had gone down to a more comfortable level, I sped up.  Only in my final freight train laps did I really feel truly out of breath and in Zone 5.

Psychological discomfort:  A. Lot.
Too many people....already irritated with the whole experience before I even set foot on the track (though I DID feel much better and really awake by the time I got to class!!  This being a late class, I usually feel really tired...but not this night :)  )....
...all I could think about while shuffling was that I was breathing in all these strangers' breath that they were breathing out (that's not an odd thought...is it??) and I was certain that I would end up with some communicable disease before night's end...perhaps I could wear my ski mask next time!

And I really had to pee!!! But my serious fear of stranger germs (especially strangers' sweaty butt germs!!) prevented me from taking care of business.  (As we all know, as we discovered in my August 9, 2013 post, I have a bit of a sweaty butt issue when I shuffle....I certainly do not want to mix my sweaty butt germs with another's sweaty butt germs, thus creating a super sweaty butt cocktail that might take root on my butt cheeks...and everyone knows that sweaty butt germs can penetrate even the toughest toilet paper barrier....and as we discovered in my October 14, 2013 post, I cannot hover...so this not an option for me)

....so.......I did not pee. I suffered through it and waited until I got to the building where my class is.  A building that I have taken hundreds of successful, non-communicable-disease-acquiring pees over the past 2 1/2 years....I trust that toilet. (and yes...I will only use one of them...I trust it....don't judge...)

Shuffler's Log #1 (Week of 1/11/14 - 1/17/14)

Saturday, January 11, 2014
Begin:  12:12 PM
End: 1:18 PM
Weight:  160 lbs

Total time: 1:06:29 (60 mins shuffling/walking time, 6:29 warm up/cool down)
Total distance:  5.28 miles (5 miles shuffling/walking, .28 warm up/cool down)
Avg. pace:  11:45 mins/mile

Weather conditions:  Cool (upper 40's), mist --> light rain, patchy fog, overcast
Road conditions:  Asphalt; wet; patchy ice on trails
Course:  Park road and bike trail, moderate hills

Attire:  Scuba shoes, leggings, long-sleeved shirt, jacket, headband, gloves, scarf
Was attire comfortable for the conditions?:  Yes, was cold for first 3-5 minutes.  Nice to have layers to take off / put back on as needed.  Feet were wet but warm throughout.  Body was warm but wet, cold in car after run.  Rain in eyes was uncomfortable, but thankfully short-lived.


Overall feel of run:  I enjoyed basing my shuffle on how fast/slow my heart rate was instead of by pace or distance.  It was nice to not only give myself permission, but INSIST, that I stop to walk when my heart rate reached  Zone 5.  This typically happened on the uphill climbs.  One of the climbs I continued to shuffle through Zone 5 because the hill, though steep, is short and I knew my rate would drop on the downhill after the crest.  I'm sure this is where my max recorded heart rate of 207 happened.  Though winded by the crest (breathing with each footfall and tightened facial muscles) I felt pretty good.

Physical Discomfort?:  My quads were sore due to the (perceived) slower pace (although, the split times were equal to my previous norms).  Feeling as if I was shuffling slower to keep my heart rate in the desired zones, my knees were slightly more bent and foot turn over was slower.  Plus adding the intermittent walking...changed things up a bit.  I felt as if I couldn't really open up my hips and legs, causing some muscle fatigue.  Also had tenderness in the first joint of both of my big toes...pretty common when having to wear my scuba shoes or boots.  Not sure why...must be pushing off??

Cardiovascular discomfort?:  Minimal, due to not allowing myself to push my heart rate up past 185.  When I did, it was very easy to tell, as I breathed in and out with each foot fall (as opposed to every two or three footfalls) and carried tension (grimacing) in my face to gasp for breath.  Anytime I entered into Zone 5, I walked until my rate was in Zone 3.  At that point, I began shuffling again.
The course I shuffled was a 5 mile out-and-back.  The first 2.5 miles is generally slightly down hill with one steep uphill at the end.  My heart rate recovered quickly and I had little difficulty keeping the rate in the 3 and 4 zone (between 158-185).  The last 2.5 miles (on the way back) is slightly uphill and I found myself kissing zone 5 often and quickly.  As I neared the end of my shuffle, I had a harder time staying out of zone 5...likely due to fatigue, as this is pretty common for me.  Maybe next time, I'll start at the hard end first so my last 2.5 miles are "easier" to see if the quicker increase in rate is due to fatigue or the slight uphill.

Would like to spend less time in the Anaerobic zone (zone 4) and more in the 3 zone...but at this stage, I'd have to walk the whole time to do that!! I'm hoping this will naturally come down with time.  I was really surprised to see a 207 max heart rate, as I've never recorded one that high before (the previous high was 195 during a 5k this past summer, and I REALLY felt that!) so I don't know if that was an error.

Psychological discomfort:  I never felt like I couldn't keep going.  Not allowing my heart rate to climb so high was really helpful mentally.  Though, I was glad to be done due to the weather being so cold/wet and my legs/feet being so tired.  

The rest of the day I felt balanced and motivated.  Not overly tired and not overly euphoric.  No "runner's high"....just balanced and relaxed.

Trying something new

Being the first day in over a week where temperatures were above freezing, yesterday I began my attempt at training for our upcoming 20 miler.  I've decided to approach this in a different way.

In the past couple years, I've "trained" for races by running the most miles I could, as often as I could, while pushing myself to be as fast as I could.

Now I am going to try something different...for the sake of science and self-experimentation...(which I totally dig!....hence, running with no shoes on).

I am going to try to improve my shuffling endurance by using heart rate as my measurment of choice...not pace...not distance, for now.

I have this handy dandy little heart rate monitor that I thoroughly enjoyed using last summer.  I found it to be amusing (and sometimes frightening!) to see just how high I could get that sucker to register!  It syncs beautifully with my running app (Runtastic Pro) and has been relatively accurate, as far as I can tell.  So I figure, I might as well use the thing for the purpose for which it was intended instead of as a novelty.

Here's my method....
I estimated my maximum heart rate to be 200 beats per minute.  The standard...yet inaccurate...method of figuring MHR is subtracting your age from 220.  That would put my MHR at 180.  I know for certain that my old ticker can beat faster than that!!  I once registered a 195 at a 5k!  That being said, I just used 200 as an estimate of my max.  I know my resting is anywhere between 54 and 65.  I set my resting heart rate at 60.  Runtastic divides this range of heart rates into 5 Zones:

 

My goal is to shuffle for one hour in Zone 3 or 4.  Should I fall below Zone 3, I need to speed up.....should I reach Zone 5, I need to slow down/walk (let's face it.....I can't shuffle much slower!!!)  One hour.....regardless of pace or distance.  One hour within these two zones.  4-5 times per week.  That's my current goal.

I will log each shuffle for my reference and to gauge any (hopeful!!) improvement.

Has anyone else had success using just heart rate as a gauge?

Happy New Year....Same Old Me

It's funny.

Ok....maybe it's not so funny.

For 6 months, I obsessed over eating better and shuffling more.  I hated...then loved...then hated...then loved my scale.  I rode the daily emotional roller coaster of "becoming healthy".  I lost 16 pounds!  I shuffled faster...even placed in my age group in a couple races!  I felt wonderful!

But it was a constant, exhausting struggle...

Summer morphed into Fall...I injured my foot...school began again...and I completely lost focus and motivation...

and my demons, like silent little ninjas, took over once again...

like. they. always. do.

In the past 3 months I have barely noticed them.....

....the weight creeping back on....the mindless-stuffing-of-my-face...the way I reach for my sweat pants instead of my jeans because they are "more comfortable"....the way I hide behind large, comfortable sweaters and sweatshirts...sitting inside the warm, cozy house watching Winter outside the window.

Well....HERE is the result of that oh-so-easy-and-effortless-behavior:

Two words come to mind here....

Holy.
Crap.

That, my friends, is 9 pounds of walrus blubber back on my bones.....9 pounds that weren't there in August...or even September.

9 pounds since October.  148lbs in August.....157 today.

MAN....that was EASY!!!!

What was NOT so easy was buttoning up those size 10's....(or even most of my size 12's for that matter! ) Yes...I DID get those buttoned, believe it or not....but I worked up a sweat doing it (the most I've sweated in weeks!!) and when I took them off I was left with an "equator" around my waist!

So in three months, I gained more than half of what it took me 6 months to lose!  I am on par to be heavier than I was when I started by the time March rolls back around (my 1 year mark).

I have a goal....
I have always needed a goal in order to accomplish something even remotely difficult.  I can't change if I don't have a goal.  Obviously, losing weight and being healthier are not good enough (or maybe to vague?) goals to shoot for.

We signed up for a 20 miler in April.
I have NEVER shuffled so much as an inch over 13.1 miles.  (I don't even want to walk to the car after shuffling 13.1 miles!)  But....Honey and I are signed up for a 20 miler in April...and I've got A LOT of shufflin' to do to prepare for that.  There are only 500 spots available for this race...and there are many great runners in our area.  That being said, I am absolutely POSITIVE I will come in last place for this one....that's OK....someone has to, right?

I'm not really convinced I can shuffle that far....

But...I no longer have the luxury of watching Winter happen from within our humble abode.  Time to get these old stumps moving again and my toes used to the cold.

And maybe...just maybe....I can lose some of this blubber along the way!