I've decided....

As you may, or may not care to, remember...I injured my foot in a failure of a 9 mile race (blog post dated Friday, September 13th).  I spent a couple weeks in a air cast and was told to rest it.

Torturous!

No shuffling for a month.....the month before our scheduled half marathon....the half marathon for which I had been training the entire summer...

The half marathon that I have decided to shuffle....
tomorrow.

Against my better judgement...my husband's...and no doubt most of the readers of this blog...

I WANT to.....so I am going to.

That finisher's medal....the Brooks pull-over....
I own them....I bought them.....I deserve to receive them...
I worked hard for them!!

I will work hard for them....and get them....tomorrow.

I have shuffled a handful of times since my foot healed.  A mile and a half one day....then 3 miles another day....then 5.

This past Wednesday I shuffled 9.
My foot felt wonderful....I felt wonderful...until mile 6.
I was exhausted....my legs were jello....I wanted to stop...
I ALMOST stopped and gave up on the idea of doing the half...
until...

 I heard a horn honking behind me.  I jumped out of my skin and turned to see an old friend from high school (who was just visiting from California) slowing down to say "hi".  That incident....that little gesture of kindness and encouragement...(and the quick burst of adrenaline!) was ALL I needed to complete my 9 mile shuffle :)

Thank you, Rob!!! :)

I know that I am not in the best shape to shuffle this half marathon...I am just now not sore (3 days later)...I don't expect to PR or break any shuffling records....
I just want to participate in a long, slow-and-steady shuffle along the lake shore on a beautiful, Fall morning....with 1000 of my closest friends....

and earn the finisher's medal I paid for.


On my mind's movie screen...where I play the lead role and the world revolves around me....I imagine this going one of two ways....


I imagine myself shuffling swiftly, effortlessly across the asphalt (yes...it IS asphalt...we checked!!) and finishing the race with nary a drop of sweat on my brow....arms raised high in triumph...long blonde hair flowing in the warm autumn breeze...the crowd cheers and chants my name....."SHUFF-LER!!  SHUFF-LER!!"  I am picked up by my adoring fans and crowd-surfed while sunshine illuminates my smiling face....as I hold up the finishers medal...all of this happening in slow-motion to the majestic sound of french horns.

Or....

I finish "Forrest Gump" style....."Stupid is, as stupid does".....
Walking off the course at mile ten because I've re-injured my foot while on-lookers shake their heads and say "wow...what the hell did she think was going happen?!  She isn't even wearing any shoes!!!" while my friends and family silently think to themselves "Wow...what the hell did she think was going to happen?  She just healed a foot injury!!" all the while knowing they had better not vocalize those thoughts out loud for fear of making me angry.....

They wouldn't like me when I'm angry....

No matter the outcome....

I will just blame Rob!

You know that place......?

.....the place where you eat boat-loads of pizza, take less than 3000 steps a day, play video games for hours, eat ice cream and bags of Caramel Creams until your teeth burn?

Well.....I have been on a very long sabbatical there.....

They have taken my passport won't give it back, so I am unable to return to the land of healthy eating and exercising.

I am being held hostage against my will.....
(But the Caramel Creams are so GOOOOD!!!!)

I cant stop "sitting and eating"!!
(But I am on the final chapter of Super Paper Mario Bros!!!)

I'm dying to get out and run!!
(But it's cold outside, and my foot still has the TINIEST hint of pain in it....better not risk it!!)


Somehow, (divine intervention?), I have managed to "only" gain a pound or two....yet when I look in the mirror, I see myself getting fat.....pants getting tight.....face getting round....

In fact, yesterday I put on a pair of my size 12's and they fit nicely....
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Those are supposed to be falling off when I stand up, not "fitting nicely"!!!!


I have no scientific data to back this, but I do believe I am going into "hibernation mode"...

No....really......

I think I am about to hibernate......

It's getting cold here...the leaves are changing...there was a bit of frost on the lawn this morning...the heat is on in our cozy little cave.....

...and I've begun putting on my winter layer of blubber.

Walrus blubber.
(Do Walruses hibernate??  Hmmmmm.....)

Yes...even the lovely "walrus blubber" has been mentioned again in our household...
just this morning.....

Leah gave me the Pillsbury-Dough-Boy-Poke to my hip this morning and spoke two words....

two. little. words....

"Walrus blubber"



Do I really want to go back to where I was in March?

Have I really come halfway across the lake, only to decide "It's too hard", turn around and swim back?

I don't know where my motivation....my determination.....my drive to become healthy went.
I bet it fell out of my pocket somewhere outside....

I'd better get off this chair...get on my bike....and start looking for it.

Week 24: Temporarily Out of Order

I've done it.

I've acquired my very first running injury since removing my traditional running shoes 3 years ago....

....an "unconfirmed" stress fracture in my first metatarsal....

By "unconfirmed" I mean:  negative x-ray and 2nd physician still a bit curious about why I am experiencing pain ONLY when I have weight on that part of my foot AND I am rolling off of it....but no swelling, bruising, pain when wiggling my toes, or pressing on bones.

No matter....the prescribed treatment is

REST.

and

IMMOBILIZATION.

ICK!!!

YUCK!!!!

*&$%#!!!!


So, how did I get myself into this quandary????

The Mantua Potato Stomp......a 9 mile race that we did last Saturday......that's how.

The race description promised "9 miles of paved, rolling roads in the country"....what the description failed to mention that 1 of those miles was a broken-asphalt road that was more like a deep-woods trail....dirt and rocks.  What it also failed to mention was that 5 of those "9 paved miles" were chip seal.....NOT asphalt.  For those who don't know what chip seal is, I have included a picture so you can see a little bit of the difference between the texture of the two:

Asphalt is much smoother.....heaven to the soles of my feet.....I see rainbows and hear angels singing when I am shuffling on asphalt.


Chip seal is rough...torturous...tiny sharp rocks stuck in a bed of tar...the driveway to Satan's house... Evil.

I wore my Aqua Socks on this part of the race, but they did little to dull the pain of the terrain.
Needless to say....I could not hold my "Olympic-quality shuffling form" through several miles of that hellish material....and at mile 7, I knew that I had done some damage to the bone just south of my big toe.

This was the first race I have ever done that I considered leaving it before I finished....and had I been somewhere other than in the middle of nowhere (you know....like a civilized society who uses asphalt to pave their roads), I would have.  But....I HAD to get to the end....or I'd be stranded out there for coyotes to pick my bones when the sun went down!!

It was about survival!!!  

(Ok....so maybe a little stubborness too.....)

So, here I am...a week later....
out for the count....
having technical difficulties.....
out of order.

And really, really antsy to get out on the road again!!

I have never before had an issue with going one week without shuffling, but knowing that I have at least 2 more weeks of "rest and immobilization" when we have our half marathon coming up in October (only 4 weeks away!) really makes me stir crazy!!!

I am losing hope that I will be participating in this upcoming half.....

I have also been extremely busy and stressed these past couple weeks.  Not having the ability to shuffle and expel the stress through my pores is giving me a wicked case of acne that would put a 15 year old to shame!!

I am not a happy camper.....

I am extremely off-balance.....(both literally and emotionally ;)  )

My eating habits are being taken over by those demons of mine....plenty of junk, sugar and salt.  I am doing lots of "sitting and eating".....

I've got to get a grip and find some balance while I am "resting" this injury.

I suck at resting.

(sigh)

Keepin' it Real: Scientific Data Week 22

Oops...
Has it really been 3 weeks that I have not posted?

Honestly....
I have not been purposely avoiding this....life has just gotten busy....I started my internship....school has begun for both myself and my children...

I literally have not had the energy or the time to sit in front of my computer and be creative...
.....and I can't think of one...single...funny thing to say...

so why bother, right? :)

But.....

I have continued to log all of my foods.  I have consistently gone over my daily caloric allowance, but not too terribly.  I have been going over because I have not really been shuffling much.  Not shuffling drives me crazy!!

However, my internship affords me the opportunity to do a lot of walking in the building.  I volunteer to take things to classrooms just so I can accumulate steps on my Fitbit (a pedometer/calorie tracker). For instance, yesterday, I walked over 4 miles and 15 flights of stairs just running passes to students!!!  It's not nearly as satisfying as shuffling, but I'll take it if that's all I can get in a day!  Sure beats sitting at a desk all day!

Also, being so busy has kept my appetite under control.  I bring a healthy lunch and a protein shake to my internship site and that really seems to work for me.  I have really tried to up my protein and potassium again, as I had become quite complacent about meeting those particular dietary needs of mine.

My shuffling miles have been pretty low each week, but hubby and I have done a race each weekend lately.  Last Sunday, we did the Fox 8 Fox Trot 5k in Cleveland.  It was a beautiful day for a race on the shores of Lake Erie!  My time was 29:10!!  Another sub-30 minute 5k!  And....my age group was the largest age group.....107 women.
I placed 17th!!!!!!  I am pretty excited about that :)

Honey and I have a half marathon coming up in 43 days....I desperately need to up my miles if I am going to survive that!  We also just signed up for a 20 miler in April!  Yikes!!



So...last week was a picture week.  I did take pics, just hadn't posted....so here they are:

My usual size 12 pics:

These next ones are my progress pics since starting My Fitness Pal...I have only lost 6 pounds since June 28th, but can see some difference....especially in the front view pics:

The numbers:

Beginning weight:  165
Today's weight:  148.8
Total weight loss:  16.2 lbs


Not much else to post this week!!  Just trying to adjust to my new busy schedule and still keep track of things.

When will I be done!

I have spent the last 3 days recovering and coming back from a 4 day junk food binge.  We went to the county fair where I indulged in greasy, delicious fair fries and a funnel cake for dinner....then topped that off with a hot fudge sundae for dessert!!! Heavenly!!!

Then......we spent the next two days at a water park where I enjoyed pizza, more greasy fries, ice cream, etc.

Then....just for kicks....I spent the whole next day stuffing my face with cookies, ice cream, donuts, and the like.

In those 4 days I went from 149lbs to 153lbs.
In all honesty, I consider myself lucky that 4lbs was ALL I gained!!

3 days later, fully back on track, I am thankfully down to 150.  Phew!!!

But.....I have been thinking a lot lately.....

This whole "getting healthy/losing weight" thing is exhausting!!!  Like being on a roller coaster.....up, down, up, down, up, down.....getting nauseous.....up, down, up, down......please stop this ride.....it's not so fun anymore!!


Frustrated with my lack of self control to fight these wild food cravings, I sat down with My Self and had a heart-to-heart.....here's how it went:

Me:  "Hey Self......"

Self:  "Yes?...."

Me:  "How's it goin'?"

Self:  "Fine, and you?"

Me:  "Not so well.....I'm tired of this whole thing, to be honest.  I am tired of fighting every single day....tired of doing well just to do terrible for a day or two...or three....or four....and then have to fight to get back on track."  

Self:  "I see"

Me:  "Let me ask you something, when will I be done with this?!  Seriously!  I want to know what the plan is....I need a date, or something.... I need a point in time when I will be able to just sail along, like I used to.  I want to know when I won't be all-consumed with what I am eating, how much exercise I've gotten, how many calories I burned, how high my heart rate gets when I shuffle.   Please!  Tell me!  When will I be done?!"

Self:  "Hmmmmm....yes, I sense your frustration and your exhaustion.  You have struggled for almost 5 months now...but you have done well.  Let me see if I can give you a light at the end of your tunnel.  Let me whip out my handy-dandy "When Will I be Done" formula and get you a date to mark on your calendar......"

Me:  "Oh thank you!!!  Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!"

I sat back...relieved.  Thank God!!  I will have a date to look forward to!  It was like seeing the finish line at the end of a race and getting that second wind!!


My Self got her window marker out and got right to work on the formula!!
I waited, quite impatiently for the answer.....

My Self worked diligently and enthusiastically on the formula.  She worked and re-worked the numbers.....my heart pounded nervously and I leaned forward in my seat.......C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!!! I thought impatiently.

Self:  (mumbling quietly to herself) "......if we take the maximum heart rate and divide it by Pi.......and the take the calories in a gallon of ice cream and add that to pie.......and take the square root of Mu and subtract that from Moo........we need to consider the denominator and make it the numerator......your BMR divided by your BMI brought to the 4th power.....then we take your BMW to the BMV......."

Me:   "C'mon already!!!"
(I could hardly control my excitement!)

Self:  "I got it!!!!!!  Ready?"

Me:  "Yes!!!  When?!"  I sat anxiously with my calendar and pencil ready to mark that glorious date....

Self:  "Ok....here it is......"

Me:  (Gnawing nervously on the pencil.....)



Self:  "Never"

Me:  (Thumbing through the calendar.....looking.....mumbling.....) "Never..."

Then it hit me what My Self had just said....I looked up at her stunningly beautiful alien-like face.....

Me:  "Wait.....never?"

Self:  "Never"

Me:  "What?!  Never?!?!

Self:  (nodding)  "Mmm-hmmm"

Me:  "What do you mean...."never"? "

Self:  I mean never....nunca.....non-stop....evermore.....this will not end as long as you live.....that is what I mean."

I was ticked!!!!  Never?!  How could this be?!

Me:  "There must be some kind of mistake!!!"  I protested.  "Maybe your formula is flawed!!  Look here....I don't even own a BMW!!!!!  You have to re-work the formula!!"

Patiently, My Self continued......

Self:  "Karen.....what part of "life-style change" aren't you getting?"

I pouted childishly at My Self and wiped the tear that had fallen from my eye.....

Me:  "I'm just so tired of this!!  It isn't getting easier!!  I want it to be effortless, but it is a fight every day!!"..........so stupid!!"

Self:  "Let me ask you something.....when you are shuffling up a hill....is it hard?"

I sat up and pulled my lower lip back in....I LOVE to talk about shuffling!!

Me:  "Yes, it's hard!!  Have you seen how high I can get my heart rate?!  It's crazy!!"

Self:  "Right....do you stop shuffling because it is hard?"

Me:  "Well....sometimes I do, but I have gotten to the point where I can just push through it, as long as the hill isn't too bad.  I just talk myself through it!"

Self:  "What do you tell yourself when shuffling gets tough and you want to quit?"

Me:  "I remind myself that the top of the hill is coming soon, and I will have a chance to recover at the top and down the other side....I tell myself that the discomfort I feel is nothing to fear and I am not injured, I am just uncomfortable.....what's your point, oh wise one?"

Self:  "Are all of your shuffles good ones?"

Me:  "Oh heavens no!!  I have plenty of bad shuffles!!  Why, just the other day I meant to shuffle 6 miles but could only do 3!  I had to walk back 3 miles because I just wasn't feelin' it that day!"

Self:  "Mmm-hmmmm.  But would you say that you have more good shuffles than bad?"

Me:  "Yes....yes I would!  Especially considering where I was just 5 months ago!!"

Self:  "Your journey to better health is like a shuffle.  It doesn't have to be perfect!  It can't be perfect!  You will have your good days and your bad days....just as long as there are more good days, you will continue to move in a positive direction.  Think of your "bad days" as the recovery at the top of the hill. A chance to just relax and enjoy the moment. Think of those days as your "recharge days"....not "failures", because they are not.  They are your moment to enjoy your life, to relax and not think about calories and exercise.  You "binged" on those foods because you were enjoying the moment with your family....like you should be doing!!!  Your daily fight with your food addiction is like shuffling up those hills....sure it is uncomfortable, but not impossible!  Keep talking yourself through it, and it will become easier.  You have improved tremendously!  Look at how far you've come!  5 months ago, EVERY day was a free-for-all!  Now, it's just once in a while....and you are shuffling so much now!"

I considered these words for a moment.

Me:  "Hmmm..... I guess I never thought about it like that before.  Wow.  Thanks for that!  Not only are you stunningly beautiful, you are wise beyond words!"

Self:  "Yes.....indeed I am"

Me:  "Self.....can I ask you another question?"

Self:  "Of course"

Me:  "Why is it that when I shuffle and sweat profusely, my entire body smells like dirty feet.....EXCEPT for my dirty feet??"

Self:  (Staring blankly at me with her enormous, alien-like eyes.....)  "What?"

Me:  "I mean, think about it....my FEET are dirty from shuffling....but they don't smell like dirty feet!!  BUT the rest of my body DOES smell like dirty feet!!  What's up with that?!"

Self:  (shaking her head) "Because you. are. weird."

Keepin' it Real: Scientific data Week 19

Another successful week is in the books!

My calorie tracking was decent.....except for one little love affair with 8 Double Stuff Oreos that one day.....

I have done more shuffling, Yoga, Pilates, ..... and planking....than I have ever done in one week!

For your viewing pleasure, here is my first attempt at planking....

I have been sweating buckets this week and discovered one very interesting.....and disgusting.....fact about myself.....


My butt sweats profusely.

Yes....my butt....

No seriously.....


A lot!!!


Look!!!

That is what my (ever so baggy!!) shorts looked like yesterday after cutting the grass....

Seriously.....whose butt sweats like that?!?!

Mine does.....

Don't be jealous.



Ok.....it's comparison picture day......Week 1 and Week 19

Not noticing much difference in the gut so much anymore, but the legs are getting pretty baggy.

I have noticed my other size 12s are quite loose in the waist though.  In fact, this morning I decided to try on my dress pants, since I will be needing them for my internship....this is what they look like:

Guess I will need to shop for SMALLER pants!!! :)


And now....your favorite game show....."Will I Ever Fit My A$$ into These Size 10's Again"!!!!
With your host.......KAAARRREEENNNN!!!!!
(wild applause)

I have gotten into these so fast, I am seriously doubting that the pants in that first pic are the same as the other pics!
But......they fit!!! ......and for that, I am thrilled!


Number time:

Beginning weight:  165
Last Week's weight:  151.6
Today's weight:  149.6
(YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!!  2 pounds AND I AM OUT OF THE 150'S!!!! for the first time in 2 years!!!!)
Yoga: 2
Pilates: 2
Planking: 2
Miles shuffled:  27!!!! ........ TWENTY SEVEN!!!!!!
Days until half marathon: 64

Keepin' it Real: Scientific Data Week 18

I had a pretty good week last week!  There were a couple caloric "bumps" in the road, but for the most part stayed within my calorie range....and if I didn't I was able to shuffle off the excess!!  In fact, I tend to commit myself to shuffling due to going over on my calorie intake almost daily....

(hmmm....guess I'm going to have to do a better job of planning ahead!!)

My most exciting part about this previous week was the 5k race we did last Sunday!

It was a cool, sunny morning...perfect day for 3.1 miles!  The crowd was small (roughly 100 participants) and  I was asked about my bare feet a couple times by some curious runners.  (I always enjoy engaging in conversation about barefoot running!!)  I positioned myself toward the back of the crowd (as I always do, since I am slow) and wished my Honey "good luck" as he made his way forward through the herd.

I started the race in my predictable, usual way....slow and steady.  I felt good!  The cool air and asphalt made for a pretty comfortable 1st mile.  As I neared the mile marker, I took out my ear bud to hear my split time.....9:18.

Hmmm....pretty nice!  I thought to myself.

My 5k run down typically looks something like this:  Mile one = just over 9 minute/mile.....Mile two = just over 10 minute/mile......Mile 3 = Just over 11 minute/mile. This typically has me running a 30-31 minute 5k.  This is my norm, and I have only deviated from this pattern one other time.....ever.....in my life!!  (now, by "deviated" I mean "run faster".  I have certainly had WORSE times!!).  That one other time was in 2009....the first year I started running.....and I was in shoes.

As I approached the 2 mile marker, again I removed my ear bud to hear the split time......18:40.

What?!  I thought.....Did I really keep just over a 9 minute/mile pace??  Wow!!  How cool is that?!

I felt empowered!!  If I was able to keep this pace, I would be able to shuffle a sub-30 minute 5k for the first time in 4 years!!!  (and the first time ever, barefoot!!)


Now....
I have never been very competitive at these races...why would I be?  I was certainly no competition to anyone there!!

But on this day....
I felt different.....

I went into "ninja-mode"......
and honed in on my prey....

two ladies, just up ahead.....one, about my age, tall, long-legged, wearing a neon orange shirt...and was tiring fast.....

the other, much younger than me, but about my build....also tiring, but kept looking over her shoulder at me....she knew I was planning to take her down...but wasn't going down without a fight....as I neared, she sped up, and wouldn't let me pass....

That's ok....I thought....they are tired.....and I will take these two out on this upcoming hill....

I could see the exhaustion that they felt, and somehow that gave me more power to keep pushing through my own fatigue.  I remembered what I wrote in my previous blog post ("A letter to 120 days-ago-me") about not fearing the feeling of my racing heart and heavy breathing.  I told myself that I would be able to recover at the top of the hill.

Ignoring my pounding heart and tired legs, I shuffled up the hill and passed the girls pretty easily....

That's it!!  Steady!!!  You will get your rest in a little while!  I reminded myself as I panted heavily.....

I knew that "young girl" was right on my tail and I couldn't let up, not even a little....

However, on the downhill, orange girl AND young girl passed me....and I knew that orange girl was now aware that she was on my radar.....

I had just committed myself to a "race to the finish" with more than half a mile to go.

I kept with them....pushing myself to go a little faster than what was comfortable, but at the same time pushing them past their comfort levels as well....I could see them tiring even more, yet watching me over their shoulders.

I could imagine their thoughts....."I'm NOT going to let this barefoot WACKO beat me!!!"

As I neared the next intersection, I saw it......

one....little....orange....cone.

The Finish Line.

and something in me clicked ...... or maybe snapped......

I took off faster than I think I have ever run before....
as fast as my stumps would carry me....
huffing....puffing....
focused on the finish line about 50 feet ahead...





I passed orange girl!!!!

Then, with the finish line just steps away.... I passed "young girl"!!!!!

And she wasn't too happy about that!!!  She kicked it into high gear....I could hear her just behind me....

....as I crossed the finish line!!

I beat "young girl" by TWO TENTHS of a second.....and "orange girl" by a little over one second!!

A..MAZ...ING!!!!!!

AND......

Not only did I make "ninja-chow" out of those two chics.....
I had my best 5k time of 28:30!!!
(In fact, both Honey and I had our best 5k that day!! :)  )

AND....

I came in 2nd in my age group!!

(Ok....mind you there were only 3 of us in the 40-44 age group.....but I didn't come in 3rd!!!! :)    )

What a great race and a far cry from my first 5k of this year back in March :)



Now....for this week's numbers:

Days until half marathon: 70
Miles shuffled:  19
Beginning weight:  165
Last week's weight:  151.8
Friday's weight:  151.6 (BLAH!!)
Bowls of "Ninja Chow" served:  2.......DE-LISH!!!!!