Yesterday' half....my reflections on the "gross-ness of running"

Yesterday's half marathon was...in a word...amazing!!! Honey and I both ran our best Half Marathons ever!  I shuffled my very first sub 2:30!!! (not bad for being out for a month!!)

The weather was perfect....the atmosphere was energizing...the crowd was friendly...the terrain was very barefoot-friendly....and my feet felt strong throughout the entire 13.1 miles!  I shuffled up every hill...stopped briefly to stretch at miles 5 and 10.....and drank a little at almost every water stop.  I only needed my scuba shoes for about .25 mile on a rough stretch of road...other than that, my feet were bare.

There was no celebratory body surfing or majestic french horns at the finish line.....but I did receive some encouraging chanting of "SHUFF-LER!!" via text, Facebook, and MFP before, during, and after the race. Each one of those made me smile and helped push to me to the finish line!!!  Thank you for that!!

This race will be an annual tradition, to be sure!!  In fact, Honey and I have made the decision to attempt the full marathon (our first!) at this event next year!  We have signed up for a 20 miler in April, which will keep us training throughout the winter...(we'll see how THAT goes!!)...then we'll keep up the mileage and training through next summer....at least...that's the plan!

I could sit here and rehash the race....giving you a mile-by-mile rundown.

But I won't.

I've decided to reflect upon some scientific observations I made yesterday...

What I really want to discuss is just how gross running is....

It is a sport where participants must endure the oozing, spraying, spilling, splattering...and sometimes gushing...of various bodily fluids....your own, and others'.
....A sport where participants' freedom to express bodily functions is accepted as normal, so long as they happen somewhere between the "start" and "finish" lines....(or in the darkness of a porta-potty).
These are the ties that bind us....the glue that bonds the running community into a close-knit brotherhood.

Here are some examples from yesterday's race:

Example 1:  One cannot hover, and subsequently "hit the target", in a pitch-black porta potty.
There were about 100 people waiting for the 7 porta potties....with more runners making their way into the line with each passing minute.  When my turn came, I entered the porta potty and closed the door.  It didn't take long for me to realize this was going to be tricky...it was 6:45 in the morning....the sun had not yet risen....and the porta potty was completely dark.  Luckily....I had my phone strapped to my arm.  I lit it up and began unrolling the toilet paper to place on the toilet seat (I am completely unable to hover!).  As I turned to the toilet, I caught a glimpse of something glistening and brown on the back of the seat.  I aimed my phone toward it....and realized that the person before me had missed the hole.  I stared at it for a minute....unsure of what to do next.
I contemplated my options.....
Wipe it off, risk getting it on my hand and acquiring some sort of flesh-eating disease.....
Or walk out, proclaim loudly "Man!!! Don't go in THAT one!!!!" and get back into line and wait another 20-30 minutes to use the bathroom.
I sighed.....wrinkled up my face....grabbed a gigantic wad of toilet paper....wiped it off the seat...all the while mumbling obscenities under my breath.  I sprayed my hands with the sanitizer and covered the seat with a layer of toilet paper.
((shiver))


Example 2:  Runners will pee anywhere...and it's ok 
 I cannot count how many men I saw jumping out from the bushes or standing in the bushes along the course...it's just the norm.  At the beginning of the race, for a moment, I thought to myself...."Boy...they're lucky!  I wonder how many women do that".  But...at about mile 6 or so, I think I discovered how women handle this bodily function during a race....
We just pee our pants.
No...seriously.....
As I stopped to get a drink at the water stop around mile 6, it just started to sprinkle out....I couldn't stop it.  It wasn't a full-on "pee"... it was kind of like "standing right next to a swimming pool and all of a sudden you have to pee right now" kind of pee...  It stopped as soon as I started shuffling again...but I realized it was OK!  I was soaked with sweat anyway....I was smelly anyway...no one would notice even if I peed all over my shoes!!!  (And not just because I wasn't wearing any!!).

Again...as long as it happens during the race....totally acceptable behavior.

Example 3:  Boogers boogers everywhere!!
Snot-rockets....loogies....being blown out of noses mid-run....hacked up and spit....carried on the breeze....
Runners fill with mucus....mucus makes it impossible to breathe....which makes it impossible to run....

I don't know how many cold, slimy puddles of phlegm I stepped in yesterday...after a while, I just appreciated the cold on my hot feet....thankful for the disgusting habits of the runners before me...
Gross?  Of course....but only if it happens outside the boundaries of the race course.


The best part of any race is its completion....hanging out with other sweaty, stinky, urine-soaked runners...eating bananas and pizza, guzzling Gatorade, and relishing in our collective "runner's high" while we rehash the course and congratulate each other on a job well done.

Yes....running is a gross sport....
but where else can you be so disgusting yet so completely accepted?